9/5/07
I want to continue to ask everyone to rally together in prayer for Oscar. I am so happy and overwhelmed by how many people are helping to pray for us. I am feeling better, and am feelings faith. I am not trying to demand results, but I do hope God gets him better soon. I know that so many of you have your own burdens, and it means the world to me, that so many people, from all over, are praying for him. Please keep it up, because right now, this is my salvation. This is what makes me feel better.
Dear God, I ask again, please keep my fiance off of drugs forever. Make him see life is worth living. Please clean his soul, his mind, his eyes, and his heart. Let him know, he doesn't have to fight this alone. Remind him, pretending it does not exsit won't take away the problem. Please keep an eye over him, keep him out of harm. And dear God, keep me strong, and bring him home to me safely...and soon. Amen.

Also...pray that he has clarity of mind...I forgot to add that...but when he is in a clean mindframe...he has clarity and makes better choices. Please pray that he doesn't spend to much time withdrawing...and has more time in clarity.

9/8/07 Communication has gotten much better between the two of us. He is not home yet, but I do think he has had some clarity. He is aware of his problem. Admitting you have an addiction is usually the first and most difficult step. I appreciate everybody's prayers. I intend on attempting to reply to each of you, because this is such a beautiful circle of people. I continue to ask you all to please pray for my fiance. Please ask God to keep his mind open to clarity and away from drugs. Keep him away from Satan and from friends who make bad choices.
Dear God, please open his heart to you. Let him see that life is to important, and that as your son, he is to good for this. Please God, continue to keep my stress at a minimum. Please bring Oscar home drug free. Amen.

9/9/07: Dear God, I want to continue to thank everyone who is praying for us. I am not having a good day, but am trying to replace my feelings of depression with prayer. I really do appreciate all the warm prayers I have received, and am trying to respond to them all. I do honestly pray for everyone. I ask you God, please help me hold on to faith. All I really want is for my fiance to get the help he needs. I am so worried about him. I am not going to lie, I want him to return home, but more than that I want him better. I pray God, to keep Satan away from Oscar tonight...and forever. Please God open up his eyes and his ears, show him your path. Please God hear my prayers and the prayers of all of these wonderful strangers who are thinking of us and praying for a miracle as well. I know anything is possible with God. This whole experience has brought me back to church. ( I hadn't gone in almost 5 years..since I lost my father.) I do ask God, keep me strong. Please take care of this man, keep his mind clear. When he is in a state of clarity, he makes better decisions. Please keep him out of harms way. Please return him to me, so we can have a marriage based around your love. Amen.

9/10/07: Things go up and down between us, today has been down. I know I need to trust in God more...and everyone's prayers are helping me do that. I appreciate everyone's prayers...and ask that you please continue...pray for him. I wouldn't be so upset and hurt if he really wasn't a good man. I want to see him turn his life around and find God again. I ask that God helps me remain strong and heals Oscar as soon as possible. Though I know it was his choice to do drugs, I do believe addiction is a sickness. I ask that everyone continue to keep up their strong prayers. I do have faith that he will have a turn around with the help of your prayers, my love, and mostly God. Amen.

9/10/07: I'm not having a great day today, its been a tough Monday. I ask that you please say a prayer for Oscar tonight. Even if you just read this in passing. Say a small prayer on your drive to work or school. Just any chance you get, I ask you close your eyes and pray that he WANTS to get clean. I ask that he finds God and remembers God's love for him. I appreciate all your prayer. I know if we just keep praying together we can battle Satan. God won't let me down. I know now that all I can do is pray. Thank you prayer family, know that my thoughts and intentions are with you all. I appreciate you all. I am so greatful for this site. I want to be able to check the Prayer Answered box soon. I want to be a witness that prayer does work. I am really trying to become a believer again. Please please I ask you all, just a small prayer to God "Get Oscar off of drugs forever...and bring him home safe." Amen!

9/11/07 I didn't get to work today, really bad cold. Though I haven't answered prayers in a while, I have read them, and intend to answer them all! Everyone's prayers mean so much to me. Though I haven't heard from him in a couple days, and I am worried, I know that God isn't going to turn away from him. I know that all of these prayers can not go unanswered. God is going to help Oscar, I have never been so certain. I do wish there was a little sign or something, but regardless. I ask that everyone keep on praying, even if it is something small. Even if its silent, just pray that he gets better, finds God, and comes home to me. I love you people on here, and you don't realize what your prayers mean to me. Dear God, please continue to bless us all! I called up an old teacher, she was a sister, at the catholic school I went too. I haven't seen the lady is 10 years but she remembered me, and she told me to pray to God, to St. Theresa, and to St. Jude. I'm going to mass tomorrow...where I will pray...for us all. THank you my online prayer warriors, I love you all. Amen.

9/14/07 please please keep up the prayer...Dear God, please continue to open his eyes. Remind him of our love. Bring him home to me, safe, and drug free as soon as possible. THank you my brothers and sisters in prayer. I know I have alot of people to return prayer and thanks to (I've been under the weather) but I appreciate these prayers so much, and ask that you just keep him in your thoughts. Amen.

9/16/07 I have been so under the weather for the past few days, but come on to atleast read the prayers that have been given to us. I do intend to pray for everyone who has prayed for us. Everyone's kind prayers really keep me going. Its been a pretty rough week. I continue to ask for prayers for Oscar to find God. I feel much better and for the most part now understand there is nothing more I can do for him, besides praying. I love him, but I think he needs tough love. Maybe only when he has fallen on his face, he can remember that God and other people love and care for him. I ask that you continue to pray. He is now denying his problem all together. I hope that he seeks help, because the problem is obviously still there. It is probably the reason he can't seem to find a job (can't pass a drug test.) He has become a habitual liar, he lies to everyone. I think he's lied so much that he believes the lies himself. I ask that God bring Oscar home to me, so we can live together happily, start and family, and that he can remain drug free...forever. Please continue to pray...I know that when two or more are gathered in prayer...God helps. I do want him home, but if that isn't possible, fine I can deal...what I need from God, is that Oscar gets the help and clarity he needs and stays clean forever. Amen.

I know so many of you have been praying for Oscar. Right now, I am having such a hard time keeping faith. Communication has been really rocky. Most of his friends want nothing to do with him because of who he has become. I am close to having a nervous breakdown. I pray. I go to church. I have seen therapists and doctors. I know someone can't help themselves until they are ready...but goodness...I wish he was ready already. I don't know that I want him back. But after two years, and seeing a man fall so fast, I know he needs help. I don't know where to go...what to do. I am loosing weight and hair. I know I can't change his mind, but goodness, I just don't want him to die. I know many have told me he may need to his the rock bottom before he gets better...but I feel like he can't get much lower. I ask you all to continue to pray for him. Pray that he gets the help he needs. In some ways, I feel like jail may be the best thing for him. I know that sounds terrible, but atleast that may scare him out of it. I ask you God, please help me, I beg you, help me, because I can't keep crying like this. It isn't fair. I am trying to believe, (not that he will be home and we will be a happy little couple). I am trying to believe that he will get find God and get help. I don't want him to die. Please I ask everyone who reads this...just pray that God really opens his eyes, in whatever mannor possible, to save his life. I also ask that you pray for me to keep faith, I am having such a hard time holding on. Amen.

Things are up and down. I finally had to tell him I can't help him anymore, until he wants help himself. I know he needs to his rock bottom, before he remembers his way. I went and saw a therapist. I am going to fast tomorrow and attend a overnight vigil for Oscar. Again, I am not asking that he returns (because the state he is in now, I couldn't take it) but I am asking God to intercede...to do what ever it is necessary to get this man clean (even if it means jail.) He was a good man, and he is slowly killing himself. I ask that everyone who reads this, tomorrow please pray a little prayer for Oscar. That he finds God and opens his eyes to the correct way of living. I have finally understood what it means to let it go to God, and that is what I am going to have to do. I won't stop praying (tomorrow I am going to an overnight Church adoration from the moment I get off work until 8:30 saturday morning.) I am going to ask God, to please help him open his eyes. Please as you read this, pray for Oscar. Especially on 9/28 and 9/29 when I will be at the church praying for him. Everyone's prayers mean so much...I do have to believe that God is creating some plan to get him off of drugs FOREVER. If it means that he has to suffer a little longer, but that he will find a way off it if for good, when then so be. I only ask for everyone's continued prayer.
Dear God, I continue to ask you to open Oscar's eyes for clarity. Please make him stay away from the bad people and bad influences in his life. Keep him away from drugs and away from Satan. Help him realize he needs help. Amen.

10/5/07: I know everyone is praying so hard for my situation, and I appreciate it so much. I am going to an overnight prayer vigil tonight (and it will be for Oscar). I am asking and begging God to give him the help he needs. I don't need him to return to me, I need him to live. I need him to get help. Even if God has to lock him up, he needs help, and is to proud or to under the influence to admit it to himself. I do not wish bad upon this man, I am so worried for him. Tonight or tomorrow when you come across this please pray and know that I pray for all of your intentions. Dear God, please continue to bless all these wonderful people that are keeping Oscar in their prayers. Please continue to pray for me and the depression I am undergoing. Please continue to pray for Oscar, that he overcomes Satan. Dear God, I am leaving this in your hands. I am not giving up fair. I am trusting in you to give him the help he needs. I know the power of my prayer and everyone elses is going to help him overcome this addiction. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

10/20/07: I am really asking you all to pray that I don't lose faith in God. Oscar called this morning, and was incredibly nasty and heartless. I haven't spoken to him in over 14 days, yet he was so cold. I don't want him back, but I do worry. I worry that he is going to die if he keeps up the drugs like this. I am loosing faith. I have been praying. Over 700 people on line have been praying. I just don't want him to die. I want him to find God, and get the help he needs, even if its jail. Or rehab. Whatever. I want to stop crying. I want to stop worrying for a man who doesn't care about me. He has no conscience. He is a completely different person. I just don't want to see him die. I want him to get help. Please God, please I beg you, make my tears dry up. Give me strength God, because I feel like I have none. I am crying as I type this. I try not to dwell on Oscar, I am seeing a therapist, I am on antidepressants, but I still can't help but worry for him. Please pray for me to not lose faith. I am crying out to God, to hold on to me. To make me strong. But I don't feel it. I beg God, I beg him...help me not feel so depressed. I am sorry that I am rambling, but my heart hurts so bad. I feel not only betrayed by Oscar, but I am starting to feel the same way by God. I didn't expect prayer to fix our relationship. I didn't expect prayer to make everything perfect. I just expected God and prayer to comfort me and to give him the help he needs. Please God, please keep the devil away and give me proof that you are not abandoning me. God please, show me mercy. I beg you prayer brothers and sisters...ask God to show me mercy. I would love a miracle, but thats what I want. What I need is mercy and comfort from God. Please God, where are you?

10/21/07: I spent most of the day in prayer...I went to church this afternoon, and feel much better than yesterday. I really am still calling out to God. I remember being told as a child, in catholic school, that God will grant any prayer when two or more are gathered. I am here with over 800 prayers...gathered in honor to God..to help Oscar. I am getting so upset and discouraged, because he doesn't want help yet. It has been several months, and he hasn't hit the bottom. I hate to see him suffer. I hate to see him doing do poorly. I do not wish him back or pray for the life we once had, I simply want him to get the help he needs. I know God works on his own time, but I feel like I can't let this go until Oscar atleast makes an attempt at getting help. I know you prayer warriors don't know me...but I won't be so upset and depressed about a bad person. He was once a very good man...that makes this all the much harder on me. I am reaching out to God. I am trying hard to hold on to faith. I pray all the time. I so dearly and deeply appreciate all the wonderful prayers I receive on here. It means more to me than most of you will ever know. It has gotten me through some really dark and sad nights. I ask that you continue to pray for Oscar...to get the help he needs. I know he is involved in a very bad situation, with bad people, and owes money. I am worried for his life. I also ask that you pray for my depression. Pray for me to have some calm. Ask God, please to give me a visable sign...that prayer does work. I am finding it harder and harder to believe. I don't want to give up on God or prayer, but I need some sign of confirmation. Again, I appreciate everyone's prayer. I try to keep up with praying for everyone as well, but with this level of depression it has been very difficult lately, I know many of you are going through similar or worse situations. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Please know that everyone's words of kindness mean so much. Please don't give up on my request...because honestly, everyones prayers are really the only thing keeping me some what positive. Bless you all! Amen.

10/30/07 Dear God, I'm crying out to you. I am begging. Please dear God...show me a valid and obvious sign that you are hearing my prayers and the prayers of all my brothers and sisters on here. There are over 867 prayers gathered together for me and for Oscar. God please hear us! You say Lord when 2 or more are gathered you answer their prayers. I do not want to turn my back on my faith...but I am getting lower and lower daily. I am begging you my dear sweet God, give me a miracle. I am dying to check the prayer answered box. I want to thank all the hundreds...almost thousands of people who continously pray for me and Oscar. God, please I am crying out to you because I hurt so much. Please God, give me a valid and decent sign that you will help your lost sheep Oscar. Please dear God, keep him in your light and protection...give him the wake up call he needs. Help me stay strong.

I want to continue to tell all of you thank you for your strong prayers. Sadly I haven't seen anything really...but I am trying to hold on. I will be going to three special services. I would really appreciate extra prayers and warm thoughts during the following times: Wednesday 10/31 from 6-8:30pm (eastern time). 11/1 from 6-8:30pm; and 11/2 from 5:30-8:30 pm. I really appreciate your prayers. I know that I need to hold on. I know I need to stay strong in faith. It is not easy. I have been having a lot of bad days...no contact in weeks. I ask God to look down upon me in light. These next three days of mass I am offering up to God so that he can give me some peace and of course...as a way to give Oscar a wake up call and hopefully get the help he needs to get off drugs forever. I know God has his own timing but I am wishing it would kick on sooner than later. Please my brothers and sisters...keep praying. You don't know how much your words of kindess mean to mean..many times...the only thing that keeps me going is coming on to see how many peoplethink of us! please keep up the faith for me...because God knows I am weak.

11/11/07:I want to thank you all for your constant prayers. They mean so much to me. I ask you to continue praying for my strength. I ask you to continue praying for Oscar. Dear God, thank you for the phone call I received from him Thursday. I ask you to please give him the help he needs so he doesn't die. Please God, watch over him. He is your son and though he isn't in the right state of mind he loves you and needs you. I am sure that somewhere in the back of his head he is crying out to you...I could tell by his voice. Please God, please I beg you to give me a miracle...and soon. Thank and bless all these sweet prayer warriors for continuing to pray for us. I do try to log on as much as possible. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone. Dear God, please watch us and bless us all. Amen.

11/13/07 Please God, give me strength today, I am having a really difficult day. I am trusting in you God. I know you are watching over me. I know my dad is in heaven too, hearing me. PLease help me by giving me a vaild visable sign...soon. Please God, help me. You know what is in my heart...help Oscar. Please help him.

11/14/07: I want to thank all of you who are continuing to pray for me and Oscar. I know that God is hearing all of our prayers and will soon open Oscar's eyes. Please God, show your son Oscar that you love him & make him get on the path to you oh Lord. I ask you God to please lift up this prayer..and give him help that he so desperately needs. I also ask you to hear the prayers of all of my online brother and sisters. I know that you are going to help those of us who believe. I belive that only God can help Oscar now...I am leaning back and letting you take over God. I will continue to pray & love him, but I know you will help me & Oscar find a way back into the sunlight. Please God, give me this miracle. Amen.

11/14/07: I am going to mass this evening from 6pm (eastern) til 8pm. Even if you don't post during those hours, I'd appreciate any small mental prayer you can say to get Oscar the help he needs to stay off drugs and come back home to me. Amen

11/15/07: Dear God, today has been very hard for me, and its so early in themorning. Please God, I am crying, I know you hear me. Please God, I am so worried for Oscar. I want him to get the help he needs. I want him home. I know everything will happen according to your will. I know you are going to help comfort me, but please send me a sign. I am suffering so much. I beg you, just send me comfort & a sign that you are hearing me. Help me stop crying. I know you are great. I know you can make miracles happen. Way more than two are gathered here praying for me, please hear us. Amen.

11/16/07: I don't want to give up my faith! I want to be strong in God but I am not. Each day that passes is harder for me. I have tried and continue to try to turn my problems over to God. I pray & pray. I am seeing no signs of relief. I know God works in his own time, but I am not getting any signs. Even if God isn't ready to cure or help Oscar, I have asked for strength for myself and not felt it. I have asked for my anxiety and depression to be slightly lifted, and it hasn't. I have asked to not think of Oscar so much, and I still do. I am begging God for a miracle, and not even getting anything. I know i have turned away from God in the past, and I dont want to do that ever again. But it is so hard to have faith and see NOTHING! I know there are many people (even on here) with problems far worse than my own, but I am strugggling. I have gone into debt because of therapist sessions and buying to many candles. I am depressed, terribly. I ask you brothers and sisters of prayer to continue praying for me. I ask that you pray my depression is lessened, my anxiety is gone, and that I learn to let God take over my problems. I do not want to lose my faith. I ask also that you continue to pray that Oscar gets the help he needs. I appreciate all your prayer. I don't understand why it isn't showing me any signs. I mean...over 970 prayers...almost 1000! That really touches my heart, yet I am still so sad, because the things I am asking God for, aren't happening.

Dear God,
I beg you God, if somehow you hear this, please help me with my depression. Help me feel better, I have never been so low. God please don't let me turn away from you. Please give me a sign that things are going to be okay. Please get Oscar the help he needs. I ask you God, I ask all the saints and blessed mother, please please please, help me stop crying. My heart hurts, my soul hurts. I need your guidance oh God, don't turn away from me. I feel like you are abandoning me God, please give me strength & show me that your love will save me. Amen.

God, i'm at my desk, crying. God i know you hear me. Please help me! I don't want pity, I want help. Please dear sweet God, I am your child. I need you now. Please comfort me. Give me strength. Amen.

11/18/07: Thank you God for all the kind people who pray for me and pray for Oscar. I ask that you bless all of my brothers and sisters on here...for we all come asking for your help God. I know there are people who are suffering worse than me. I want to thank you God, for helping me come up with the money for my antidepressants. I know medicine isn't always the answer, but it really does help me bout with the depression. I also thank you for giving me such a great support system on here. Without prayer.com I seriously don't know where I would be. I ask you God, to please open Oscar's eyes. Let him remember what kind of life he had. Remind him of your love for him God. Remind him he is your son. Please God, hear my prayers for Oscar's recovery as well as the almost 1000 prayers people have lifted up for him. Please God, I know I am weak. I am trying my best to hold on faith and honor you always. Please God, help me. Two or more are gathered here, asking for your prayers. I am on my way to church now, please God, send me a sign before Thanksgiving that you are moving things in the right direction. I am thankful for my family, especially my abuela. I ask that you continue to give her strength. Please Dear God, watch over me. Watch over my family. Watch over Oscar. Please God, I miss him so much, and just need to know that he will get the help he so terribly needs. Please send him some sort of message, that I am here for him when he is ready. Remind him of my love for him please God. Please help me smile again. I want to check off the prayer answered box. I want to be proof for others that prayer does work. Please dear Lord my God, hear my prayer. Amen.

On Wednesday, I went to mass and one of the sweet little older men offered me a prayer book. I found this prayer and I have been trying to recite it daily 9 times for Oscar. I think it may help some of you. If you dont' know what to pray when you come across my page...pray this...

O Mary, Mother of Perpetual Help, you know so well the great value of an immortal soul. You know what it means that every soul has been redeemed by the Blood of Your Devine Son; You will not then despise my prayer if I ask from you the conversion of a sinner, nay a great sinner who is rapidly hurrying on towards eternal ruin. You, O good merciful Mother, know well Oscar's irregular life. Remember that you are the refuge of sinners, remember that God has given you power to bring about the conversion of even the most wretched sinners. All that has been done for Oscar's soul has been unsuccessful; if you do not come to his assistance, he will go from bad to worse. Obtain for him an effectual grace that he may be moved and brought back to God and his duties. Send him if necessary, temporal calamities and trials, that he may enter into himself, and put an end to his sinful course. You, O most merciful Mother, have converted so many sinners at the intercession of their friends. Be then also moved by my prayer, and bring this unhappy soul to true conversion of heart. O mother of Perpetual help, show that you are the advocate and refuge of sinners. So I hope, so may it be. Amen.

11/20/07:I want to praise and thank God for the wonderful experience I had at church yesterday. I went to a smaller church I've only been to once or twice. The people there were so comforting, it was amazing. They really opened their arms to me and cried with me. It was truly amazing. I want to thank God for bringing Father Al and Lilly and Lilly's mother into my life, along with all the other people at the church who prayed with me yesterday. These people were poor, simple people, with true hearts of gold. I have to be honost the church isn't in a great part of town and I only went because it was the only service in the area on Monday nights. It was the bset thing I've ever done. My heart is singing and I have a new faith that God will hear my prayers. These people last night didn't tell me anything I haven't heard before, but they truly believe. These people have faith that is as great as the oceans. I thank God and praise him for these three individuals that held me and helped me while I cried my heart out last night. God I know trust and believe you will hear my prayers. I want to thank you in advance for answering them. I know that you will give Oscar the help he needs. I know in my heart that you will save him, because he is your son. Please God, open his eyes and his heart so that he can see how much it is you love him. Dear God, thank you so much for yesterday. Bless those people. Bless all of my brothers and sisters on prayabout.com. Please God, hear all of our prayers. Give us all more faith to know and trust in your power. God you are the answer to my prayers. I am going to try to trust in you more and more each day. God keep me in this mind frame, in this state of peace, where I focus all my energy on you. Amen.

Tomorrow 11/21 I am going to a novena mass of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I ask that if you have the chance brothers and sisters...sometime inbetween today and tomorrow...pray the prayer above or just pray to Jesus that Oscar gets back on the right path...in whatever method God sees fit...to get on the path to rightousness.

Dear GOd, though I doubt Oscar will come home tomorrow, I still have a great deal to be thankful for. I am thankful first and foremost for learning God again. Though things haven't been easy, God has been by my side. I am learning to have faith. I thank God for my abuela, she's 83 but still my rock and my hero. I thank God for my family. I thank God, that though Oscar isn't with me, he isn't dead, and I feel in my heart & trust in God that once he wakes up from drugs, we will be together again. I am thankful for my job, because they are so wonderful to me here. I am glad for the prayer brother and sisters I have online who have truly gotten me through some really rough nights. You guys are my strength. I love and appreciate everyone on here, and know that I am praying for all of you as well. I also thank God for my experience Monday night at church. God continue to bless us all, even if it is in small ways. I know my greater blessings are coming. I will continue to follow you God, and I know that you will help me. You are my source of happiness. You are my light. Amen.

Please God, I will be in Church tonight...praying for Oscar. Tomorrow will be difficult. My father passed away 5 years ago...and now this year no Oscar. I am sad, but I am trying to replace my sadness with prayer. Tonight I'll be in church from 6-8:30. I will be praying for Oscar and for all of your intentions. If possible please, lift him up in prayer tonight...that he gets the help he needs. Also God, bless Ronnie & Rita who will be going to church with me this evening to pray that Oscar finds you again. Thank you God for the good friends i have in my life. Tomorrow though I will most likely be alone on thanksgiving...remind me of what I'm thankful for...I do have plenty to be thankful for...God watch over us all. Amen.

11/22/07: Church was amazing last night. THank you God for having Ronnie and Rita with me last night. While there, we prayed for all of you as well. I want to thank all of you for your continued prayers for me and for Oscar. I am sad today, but not as sad as I thought...which is a blessing in and of itsself. I am going over to my abuela's were we will have a small thanksgiving...me, my little sister, and my two grandparents. I doubt my mother will come, but I hope she shows up. I haven't heard from Oscar in two or three days, but he isn't doing well. I have turned this all over to God, and I know that God will work a miracle here. I know that Oscar will be cured of drug addiction. Today I ask that God give us all a lovely thanksgiving...though we are hurting in some way or another (me because Oscar's not by my side like he has been the last 2 years) but please make us all look to the positives. I will be back on later this evening, but thank you all for your sincere and constant prayers. I think I'm going to remove a couple of my older entries so it isn't such a long scroll down to the current ones.
****I ask you all to please continue praying for Oscar. Ask God that he gets the wake up call he needs to run away from drugs and satan forever!God we know you are great and powerful. We know you hear my prayers. Please God, please though you grant us free will, step in and give Oscar obstacles to make him stay away from drugs and satan...and bring him back home to me when he is well. Amen.

1124/07: I'm having such a terrible day. I can't explain why. I know God exists, but I am just so confused as to why he hasn't heard me yet. My heart is in pain, my soul hurts. I am so worried for a man who doesn't worry about himself. I just need God to please comfort me. I am going to shower and go sit in church until they kick me out. Please lift me up in prayer. Lift Oscar up in prayer. I need him to get a wake up call, that scares him. After that, let him have free will...but God I need you to interfer in his life...so he doesnt keep on this path. Please God, I know you give us the fit of free will, please I beg you to intervine. Make him get in trouble or scared or what have you...just make him open his eyes and see the love you have for him. Amen.
Thank you to all of you who keep praying for us, I appreciate it, though right now I feel its unanswered prayers...I am trying to trust in God that they will all push Oscar away from drugs forever. I will be back on later...thank you all for your compassion. Amen.

11/26/07:Back to work today! I am havnig a terrible day, my anxiety levels are way to high. I appreciate everyone's prayers. I know they have to start working. It can't be possible that God doesn't hear the prayers of all my online brothers and sisters. I have over 1063 prayers for me and Oscar. That is honestly what keeps me going. I know God is working on this case, but I need to see something drastic happen...towards the good direction. I continue to ask God, help open Oscar's eyes and heart. I ask St.Jude to heal him from his addictions. I ask Our Lady of Perpetual Help to guide him and keep him away from sin. I also implore Michael Archangel to keep him away from Satan. If necessary, I ask God to put him in a real situation to allow him to hit bottom, so that he never wants to touch the stuff again. Please God, please I am tired of crying. I am trying to turn this over to you, but it isn't easy. Please show me a sign dear God. Mass tonight...will be there from 5:30 to 8:30ish, eastern time. Please lift Oscar up in prayer today. Amen.

11/28/07:Online prayer warriors, I am falling. I can't take much more of this depression. I am trying to focus my life on God. I am trying to turn over all my prayers to God. I am trying to understand God's perfect timing and plans for me. But I feel alone. I feel like I am not getting any message. I just beg God, to hear me.***************
God, my father, my almighty, PLEASE hear my cries. I don't know how much more you want to test my faith, but God, honestly, I am weak from all this batteling. I can't take much more. I beg you God, have mercy on me. Please God, show me a sign that you hear my cries. I just keep getting more and more sad. I can't seem to break away from depression. I ask God, please hear me. I beg the angels and saints to send these prayers up to God. God hear all our cries. I ask St.Jude, please I know you are the patron saint of lost causes and hope. I am coming before you to ask you please use your special title to carry to our God, the message of what you know is in my heart. I need help St.Jude. I also pray to my father, Robert, to please hear my heart. Go to God, go to St.Michael, St. Anthony, St. Rita, St. Monica, please go to them all and get them to intercede to God. I need help.God, please hear my heart, hear my cries, and take away my suffering. Amen
***Going to a mass this evening from 6-8 pm eastern time, please join me in prayer today, that God hears my heart during my prayer time. Brothers and sisters, know I am praying for your struggles as well. Thank you for your blsesings. Amen.

12/2/07: Rejoyce for me my prayer brothers and sisters! I know so many of you have been telling me..."TURN THIS OVER TO GOD'. Yet I couldn't or wouldn't for some reason. I just felt compelled to keep trying to alter my situation. I kept trying to do little things to cause big results. Yesterday I had my true "WAKE UP CALL". Though I'm on here praying for my fiance, I needed a wake up call as well. I needed to see that only God can fix this. I read an amazing book last night, recommended to me by an older lady at work. I had it for two months before I opened it and only wish I had read it the night I received it. The book is entitled, "Its all about him" by Denise Jackson. She is married to a country singer name Alan Jackson. i'm not a huge country music fan, but this book touched me in so many ways, it was quite amazing. I was having so much trouble understanding why I needed to trust God, since God wasn't doing anything to resolve my problem. The truth of the matter is, I haven't even given God a chance to fix this. I have been so busy, trying to manipulate outcomes, that I haven't let Jesus take control. I have kept in the back seat of my car, only calling on him when I'm lost. Though I'm still lost, I just feel like now I really understand, God needs to come first, before anything. God won't leave me. God won't hurt me. I am still praying for Oscar. I pray that God gives him the wake up call he needs, like I received last night. But now, I'm more focused on praying for trust in God, for myself. I admit, I have had alot of misfortunes in my life, but I also have so much to be greatful for. I know, that though things seem so terrible now (and I'm not going to sugarcoat it...things are bad), but I just now, after reading this book, some how found the missing pieces. I ask you all my brothers and sisters online, forgive my long entries, I just come on here to release alot of thoughts. I ask that you all continue to pray for me to COMPLETELY TRUST GOD. I now know God is the reason miracles happen. I know I am special because I am a child of God. We are all so blessed to belong to a loving God that sent his son to die for us, so that our sins can be forgiven. I really recommend the book to anyone who is questioning the "why's" of God and the world. Denise Jackson makes so many great points, and the book really is an interesting read. I couldn't put the thing down. I ask that you all thank God, thank him that my depression has eased. Thank God on my behalf, that now my mustard seed size faith has grown.
God bless you all for your prayers. I am praying too. I am on way to church this evening, where you will all by in my thoughts and prayers. I am catholic, and never really understood the phrase "have you been saved or excepted Jesus Christ" after last night and the three hour conversation I had with God, I can say, I have found him and I never want to lose him again. I know in my heart, I will be checking that prayer answered button soon. God bless you all for all your prayers. Sorry I babbled. Off to church...bless you all. Amen.

12/6/07: Contact has gotten alot better! Praise Jesus, because he called me Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday! I thank God for the phone calls. It seems as though he knows he is on the wrong path. I just need God to place him into temporal calamaties to have a giant wake up call! I know I have so many people on my side, beating off the devil. God will win, I am sure. God will give Oscar the help he needs. I have been off line for the past couple days, but have been thinking and praying for you all. I appreciate all of the prayers I have received. I love you all my brothers and sisters through Christ. I know God is the only one who can give us miracles. I know God has to be hearing us. There are way more than 2 or 3 gathered here. God will pull this through for me. I have been doubting him far to long, now I see good things are only possible through Jesus Christ. Please God, I ask you to continue to help Oscar. Give him the wake up call he needs, to go back on the path to you. If it is your will, after he has gotten the help he needs, bring him home to me. Amen!

12/7/07: just when i think i am getting closer to God, i get knocked down. I saw Oscar today, for the 1st time in over a month. He says he isn't using. He says he's been randomly drug tested&passed.he is no longer using and hasn't in some while. He says he doens't love me like i want him too, and that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore...that all he can be is my friend. I don't know that I believe he is clean, but i do know he still isn't working. He still has no money. and his heart is so cold. The bible says, in Mark...pray and act thankful like you have already received. To trust God completely...I've tried..I've put all my trust into God...and I hurt badly. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe. I know that I feel like all this prayer has been for nothing. I have never felt so low. I am going to most likely close my account as the candles burn out. I have been hurt to many times, and this time I gave it all over to God, only to get hurt again. I still believe in God and love him, but I don't know that I'm praying anymore. Please if you have any last bit of encouraging words or prayers, send them my way...but other than that, i think i'm done trying to believe in something that may never be.

I do appreciate all of your prayers, but don't waste your time on me anymore. God hasn't heard me. I trusted him and the bible and i prayed like I have already received. It has been months. God isn't in agreement with me, so I have to let it go. I am not going to stay online and remind myself of the hours I wasted praying for someone who doesn't love me. I am broken, my heart hurts, and I don't see how God could let me feel like this.

I want to keep holding on to God. I know Oscar was jealous because he called yesterday and another man answered my phone. I know it hurt him he even said so, so maybe his talk was because of that. or maybe its withdraw. or maybe he just doesn't care for anyone anymore. I ask you to please pray for me that I hold on to God. I also ask you to pray that all that I told him today, affected him and will touch his heart after he reflects upon it all. Please God, please I don't think you brough him into my life for us to end like this, please God, soften his heart to me. Break any forms of witchcraft that were placed on me or on Oscar. Please watch over us both. Amen.

12/10/07: Praise Jesus, for all of the prayer warriors who have lifted me up when I was down. I am sorry I haven't been on much, but my prayers are with all of you wonderful brothers and sisters. Though I was so hurt and angry Friday, I feel renewed. I really kneeled down and apologized to God. I think the devil was trying to test me. I am not going to stop believing in God ever. I know that he does hear our cries. I thank you all for your prayers, and I am not going to give up. I believe in God, I believe in miracles. I am going to keep praying. I am going to check that prayer answered box, when God feels the time is right. Please pray that God opens Oscar's eyes and touches his heart, so that he has the wake up call he needs, to return to the Lord. Amen.

12/14/07: Glory and praise to our God. He is awesome truly awesome. I am sorry for not being good about returning prayers. My home computer needs to be worked on (should happen this weekend), & I've been so swamped at work. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all. I ask that God continue to bless you all. I am trusting in God, I've truly turned my pain & struggles over to God. It hasn't been easy, but it is a load off of my shoulders. I thank you all for your continued prayers for me and for Oscar. I know somehow they are working. I am not giving up on Oscar, I'm just giving him to God. God didn't bring him into my life for no reason, there is a reason. I do feel in my heart, that we will be reunited. I know God will do this in his time, and I ask you all to keep praying. Thank you and bless you all. Amen.

12/18/07 DEAR PRAYER BROTHERS & SISTERS: I am sorry i haven't been on lately, especially to pray for you. I am having computer problems at home, and am not supposed to really be on here from work. Please know, that just because I'm not typing doesn't mean I'm not praying for each and every one of your situations. I ask that God keep us all strong during the struggles we are facing,especially approaching the holidays. I ask that God lift us all up, and watch over us. Please help us all grow in faith. Please continue to pray for Oscar's drug problem. i ask that God restore his health & our relationship, in Jesus name. Amen.

12/18/07 DEAR PRAYER BROTHERS & SISTERS: I am sorry i haven't been on lately, especially to pray for you. I am having computer problems at home, and am not supposed to really be on here from work. Please know, that just because I'm not typing doesn't mean I'm not praying for each and every one of your situations. I ask that God keep us all strong during the struggles we are facing,especially approaching the holidays. I ask that God lift us all up, and watch over us. Please help us all grow in faith. Please continue to pray for Oscar's drug problem. i ask that God restore his health & our relationship, in Jesus name. Amen.

12/18/07 I also ask that you pray contact continues. I saw him last Friday and have spoken to him several times in the past two weeks. I ask that you continue to pray that God enters his life and softens his heart. Amen.

12/20/07 As childish and silly as it sounds, i am asking that God hears me. Oscar has agreed to go to lunch with me tomorrow, to discuss things. Please God, fill him with peace and honesty. Please God, make him keep his word that he will go to lunch with me. Watch over him and protect him. Please God, help him come back to me. Amen.

12/21: God willing, I am able to get my computer fixed over this weekend. I want to telly ou all thank you for your prayers. I have been super busy at work and haven't had the time to respond, but please know that I pray for you all often, especially on commute to and from work. The lunch plans we had don't seem realistic, as he hasn't called me...and he promised he would. I am not sad though, atleast not today. I can't promise the same thing on Christmas though. I ask for you all to continue praying for my strength and guidance. I ask that God hear my heart. I ask that God help Oscar with his emotional and drug problems. Dear God, watch over him and keep him always safe. Amen.

12/28/07: Sorry I haven't been on here lately. I do appreciate all your continued prayers for Oscar. I feel like soon, God is going to give me some sort of breakthrough. I know we have free will, but I also know Oscar is a a son of God. God loves all his children. I ask that you pray, that God gives Oscar a wake up call. Even if its tough love, even if it hurts a little, I ask that you pray for his salvation. I do miss him, but it isn't even so much about him coming home. I am more worried for his life. Please brothers and sisters, try to lift him up in prayer. there is going to be a 24 hour prayer vigil this evening. I am going to try to go for atleast 4 hours...maybe more. I have been extremely tired lately. I do feel that everyone's prayers for my depression are working. I no longer need my antidepressants, praise Jesus. I know that all of our prayers for Oscar are working too. I do truly believe God is going to start working on him soon. I love you all, my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank you for your prayers. My personal computer has been messed up, but I am going to try to be on more. I do think of you all daily and appreciate your love and support. God bless you all. God bless Oscar. God please push him hard...into the light. Amen.

12/31/07: Dear God, though this has been a terrible year in many aspects, I am grateful, so grateful that it has brought me back to you. I know you know the intentions of my heart. I know that you hear me crying, especially in the car. I know I can't suffer forever. I know you are working miracles for behind the scences. I know that I'm going to see signs of these coming soon. Dear God, I love you, and I am sorry for my sins. You know that I am not perfect, but God, I am your daughter. I come before you, begging you to help me. You know what is my heart. Do not let the devil try to come to me. Do not let the devil take what you gave me sweet Lord. Please protect me. Protect Oscar. Watch over us both in this New Year. Please watch over all my family and my online prayer family. Please Dear God, help me continue to stay on my path, so that you my grant the prayers of my heart, and I can grow closer to you each day. Amen

Sorry: still no modem at home, but please know i get online when i can and my thoughts and prayers are with you all during this new year. I ask that God bless each and every one of you. Amen.

1/3/08: When it rains it pours, and right now today, I feel like I'm in a hurricane. I woke up this morning to find a note on my door that my pipes are leaking into my neighbors. This normally wouldn't be a problem for most, but I live in a townhouse, and it is my pipes that are leaking, and thus my financial responsibility. I am in a bit of a financial struggle since Oscar left, and it has really only gotten worse. I know God has helped me get by, but I need to get a second job. I have college degree, & never thought I would have to work a second job. I have been applying around, and not really finding anything. On top of that, I dream of Oscar. I ask God, to just cure him of his drug addiction. I haven't seen him in two weeks, and only heard from him once. No Merry Christmas call, no New Years nothing. I miss him. I am not mad at him. I don't even think my feelings are hurt much any more, but I still want him better. I still want God to restore our union. I know the bible says with God, everything is possible. I know this is the devil trying to test me! I can feel it, but he's bringing me down. I am calling out to you oh God. I am calling out to you. I can go on and on listing the problems I have, because right now, there are many; but I want to rejoyce. I want to be thankful and humble. I want to thank you God that I always have food to eat. I thank you that I always have a warm bed to sleep in. I thank you for my sweet abuela. I thank you for my sister. I thank you for Nayda. I thank you for letting me find you again, even though I had sinned so much. I am sorry for the things I've done wrong. I am. I know I have made mistakes. All I ask is for mercy on me God. Please have mercy on me. I am trying so hard, I know you have to see this, please God, please have mercy on me. I need a breakthrough, but you know this because you are God.
To my prayer brothers and sisters, I still haven't gotten around to fixing my home computer and have to do all this by my cell phone (so it takes forever). I appreciate all of your prayer requests, and read and reread them daily. I ask that you join me in prayer to ask God to give me mercy. I am trying so hard, to read and live by his word, and I just need a break. I need his help. I need him to guide me and pick me up out of this pit. I am a child of God, and I know I am loved. I need his mercy. Dear God, please show me your divine mercy.
Brothers and sisters, please continue to pray for Oscar that he gets the wake up call he needs. Pray that I find some second job, so that I can pay my financial responsibilities. Please pray that God hears me, and helps me stay strong in faith. Amen.

God help me stop crying please. My eyes hurt from crying. Every time I think I am stepping closer, a wall comes up, and deeper into the pit i sink. PLease my sweet God, just help me find a 2nd job, so that I can take care of my responsibilities. I only want to depend on you and myself God. Please God, you know what is in my heart. please God, please give me a sign that things will turn around. I am trying so hard to please you my father God, please show me that you see my efforts. Amen.

1/4/08: Thank you brothers and sisters for your prayers. I did feel lifted up yesterday. Though I still don't have an answer to my financial situation, nor my relationship with Oscar, I still trust in the Lord...now more than ever maybe. I know im still going to make mistakes, but I am trying so hard to live my life by God's way. Please continue to pray for me. I know that so many of us all have our crosses to bear. My home computer is still not up and running...but I am determined to work on it this weekend. I am sorry i haven't reallty been returning prayer requests, but my only access to the internet right now is via work..so I really don't have time (or permission) to respond to your prayers online, but please know you are all still in my hearsts. I can read this site from my cell phone internet, but it won't let me respond. Please know that you are all in my hearts. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for your strong prayers. I can only image...that with these prayers...Oscar is being worked on by God. I do believe he is going to get the help he needs. I do admit, ideally i would love if he would come home...but my most important prayer for him is that he gets better and finds God. Pleaase continue to pray for Oscar. Pray that God softens his heart and gives him what ever wake up call necessary to get him away from the life he is living. Amen.

1/7/08:I HAVE A COUPLE QUESTIONS? (I went to catholic school for 14 years of my life, yet I feel like I am missing so many answers about God, the bible, and religion in general. I have a couple questions and am open to any answers I receive from my prayer brothers and sisters, but would really like the answers to come from people who are pastors or ministers or priests of some sort so that i can get the true meaning. I know we, as humans, don't have all the answers, but maybe someone here can help me understand a little better, thus bringing me closer to God.) I would love the answers on here, so that others can benefit, but if you prefer to email me, its cyw311311@yahoo.com
1. The bible says, when two or more are gathered in prayer, God hears and grants it.
***I know God does everything in his time. I know that God knows what is best for me. I feel that if I hadn't been keeping steadfast prayer over Oscar, maybe the devil would have attacked him more often? Maybe he would be dead or seriously injured. Maybe our prayers on here are what is keeping him alive. If anyone can add or elaborate on this question I would really appreciate it.

2. How do i determine if something is a message from God or the devil trying to creep in? (Lately during prayer or just throughout my work day, I've been hearing alot of different answers to some of my questions. The answers are always opposite.) I've been fasting and praying more than normal. Are these two very different voices God and the Devil? How does one determine what we hear from God as opposed to what the devil tells us. I know I am getting very mixed answers as to what i need to do. I don't want to make any more mistakes. I want to only trust in God. But i want to make sure it is God, and not the devil. GOd has way more power over satan, so i assume the message i hear more often and more clearly is that of God. The messages I hear in church or in quiet prayer, I assume are the true answers God is giving me. The answers I hear less often and usually before sleep or watching tv or doing nonsense activities, I assume are of the devil.
Long story short how does one determine the difference, when seeking out answers from God?

3. I've been trying to fast more often, in order to bring me closer to God. I would love to hear real acounts of how fasting has brought changes in other people's lives?

UPDATE:Today is when of those days, when you literally wish you could just stay in bed. I woke up late for work and things just have gotten worse. I ahve been trying to really search out God this weekend. I spent alot of time in a state of medatation and prayer. I prayed out to the Lord. I sought out people to pray with me. This weekend the devil attacked. I got into a really large arguement with my mother. Luckily, my prayers to God about her are helping. She is going back to the therapist, to get her pills adjusted. Then my younger sister isn't doing well in school. She's always been so bright, but I think she has a case of senior blues. I have a meeting with her math teacher tomorrow, hopefully she picks up this grade. To top it all off, I've really been tempted to sin in several ways. I really did leash out at my mother this weekend, though it was out of concern(she took to many antidepressants) I still shoudln't have gotten as upset as I did. I've been so tempted to call Oscar, to see how he's doing. I know God wants me to give him tough love. I am proud of myself for keeping strong. I didn't break down and call him even though I wanted too. I still pray for him, that he gets the help he needs. I ask the Lord my God, to please soften Oscar's heart. Give him memories of good times he had (before he was using). I ask that God reminds him of the man he used to be (not for my sake, but for his own good.) I know people with addictions usually have to hit rock bottom before they WANT to recover. I hope that God makes this come along before he gets seriously hurt. I am very worried about his safey. I ask God, please give me signs of visible positive changes for the future! Brothers and sisters, I also ask that you join me in prayer about me getting an additional job. I am going through some difficult financial timse. I ask that you stand by me in prayer, that I am to find a second job and catch up on my bills(and fix my home computer). I am sorry I haven't been on much lately, but I appreciate the continued prayers. I am praying for you all, through this time, it feels like I've really grown to know all of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless each and every one of us. God watch over us all. Amen.

1/7/08 continued: I know there are people out there with far worse situations then mine, but know that God doesn't judge the situation. To God, all problems are easy. ALl problems can and will be fixed according to his will. I appreciate all of your prayers and concern, but do not judge me for continuing to pray for Oscar. My prayer is focused on his salvation and getting sober. I know I have let God take over the situation, but it does upset me when people tell me stop praying for him. I can't stop praying for someone, who I know needs prayer, let alone for someone I love. Please support me in prayer, give me comforting words, but don't tell me stop praying please. If you don't agree that I'm praying for him...that is fine, but please do not tell me stop praying. People look at my situation and tell me move on, but his life is on the line. I am asking for prayers that he gets help, so he can get saved...emotionally, physically, and most important saved with Jesus Christ. Amen.

1/10: STILL HOLDING ON FOR A MIRACLE...PLEASE CONTINUE PRAYING FOR ME.

1/11/08:Sorry this is brief, and i know i haven't been on here praying often but still haven't gotten around to fixing my personal computer. Tonight I am attending a silent worship service from 8pm- around 9am tomorrow morning. I am going to be closer to God, to pray for Oscar, and also for my abuela (grandma) who had breast cancer near 15 years ago, and they are worried she may have another lump. Please God, I love you. I know you hear my prayers. I thank you in advance for answering them. You know what I need. You hear me dear sweet Lord. Tonight, if possible or throughout the day, I would really appreciate any inspirational prayers or thoughts you can send me on here today. I can check this page from my cell phone and will be doing so every hour more or less. Please, if possible, tonight just lift me up in prayer...that God hear's what is in my heart. I want to strengthen my relationship with him. I want him to soften Oscar's heart and break any and all yokes the devil has placed in our lives. I am also worried about my abuela, but in my heart know she will be fine. She has a test on Feb 6th, for a more extensive mamogram. Please brothers and sisters, lift me and my family, and my fiance up in prayer tonight. Do not let the devil rob me any more. I usedto think God was taking from me, now I see that maybe its been the devil. The devil can no longer attack. i won't allow it. I want to be a testimony on here one day. I want to select that prayer answered box and show everyone that even hopeless situations can turn around. I am putting my trust in God. Please God, move mountains in my life...starting today!

Dear God, please remove satan from my life. Please keep my abuela strong and cancer free. Please make her test results come back clear and free of cancer. Please watch over her because she is old and not in the best shape. Dear God, don't let her get breast cancer a second time. Dear God, help me on my quest to find an additional job. Having a second job will help me get my finances together. Dear God please break the chains that bind Oscar to sin. Remove whatever the devil has placed upon him. I ask that God send the devil far away from me and those I love. I ask that the devil no longer have any hold of me. I ask God to remove my sins. I ask God to break any yokes on me or on Oscar. I ask God to help him overcome his struggles with drugs. I ask God to lighten Oscar's path and show him the way back to me as soon as possible. I ask God to give us the marriage we we going to have, but better, and filled with love for God. I dream of taking Oscar to church. Before we seperated I didn't go to mass, I didn't believe in God. I believe. I got my wake up call. I know a lift without God is not worth living. I humbly come before my dear sweet Lord, and ask him to please hear these petitions and all the petitions of my heart. Dear God, please take into consideration the number of prayer requests I've brought forth. Please dear God, thank you for the continued signs of faith I keep receiving, please keep sending me more. Dear God, I want to be closer to you. I promise to always put you first, from here on out. I know that your love alone can protect me. I know what I ask of you, I shall receive. I know the devil wants to bring me down, but my God and his angels will protect me. I fear not the devil. I only fear what my life would be like without my God. Please God, please your light is so holy. Shine your holy light on Oscar. Open his eyes with the brightness of your light. God my God, who has power to move mountains, remove me out of my pit. Put me on a rock...on a mountain...so I can be closer to you my sweet God. I love you. I love you for giving your son to us. I love you for the power of the holy spirit. Please dear God, help me stay full of this positive thinking. Please God, start showing me only good. Only let me feel happiness and love for you. Please sweet God, please hear my cries and prayers. Please God, answer them now, because you are wonderful God. You are just. You are a merciful God, who knows what is in my heart. Please God, start moving things in my favor. Start turning wheels towards good. Please God please...give me your blessings. Amen.

1/14: I want to thank you all for your prayers, but I really don't see the point anymore. I have been praying, fasting, and trying so hard to believe. I don't want pity, by any means, but trust me when I say...I've had alot of bad things happen to me. I have been giving all I can to the church...and yet I get nothing back. God forgive me, but I feel like you are betraying me. God maybe you are not the one who does the evil, but you aren't protecting me from the devil either! Things keep getting worse. I know everyone has their struggles, but I ensure you mine are pretty ugly. I ask God, I beg God, I cry to God...yet nothing. The only thing I get is more problems. I do have faith...considering all the bad that has happened in my life I really think i hav e boat load of faith for all the bad thats happened. I know I am not perfect I know I sin. I know somewhere in this world...there are people who have it worse than me...but I don't see God helping me at all. I don't see anything. No breakthrough. No promises. I have 1350 prayers!!! for Oscar, nothing is helping him. I have been praying for my poor abuela...she is still sick...and feeling worse daily. I can't seem to find a second job...they keep telling me I'm over qualified (and I really have applied many places). My mortgage payment is late. I am lonely. I call out to God...I get no reply. I don't know how much longer I can give him my faith...when it seems as though none of the things I am asking for are being answered. God has his timing, yes yes I'veheard all of it. But I need answers. I have begged God...on my knees, nightly for answers...and nothing good is happening...even when I cry. Please if you want to pray for me...maybe it will help, but I just don't see it anymore. I don't see the point. What God wants is going to happen, no matter how much I pray or beg him, it doesn't matter. God wants what God wants...not what I want. They say God is loving...but I just don't see it right now.

1/14/08: Thank you God. I am so sorry God, i come before you begging for forgiveness. Even though my prayers were not answered fully, I was given signs. I got a return call from Oscar today, apologizing for his behavior. I received the money i need to pay my auto insurance, though its a loan, its a temporary answer. I also am getting my annual review at work, so that should mean some sort of extra money. I am thankful to God, for giving me these signs today...when I needed them so badly. I thank you God. Amen.

I feel like God is going to give my miracle. I don't know. I've been feeling really gloomy lately. Lots of roller coaster ride emotions, but the truth is...God has to hear me. I ask that God bring Oscar home to me soon, so that I can help him recover. I ask that he gives me the promises I've heard in prayer, to be with Oscar in church, side by side, honoring God. I know God will hear this. What a victory we can have over the devil God, if we covert this man to a true God fearing man. Please God, please, watch over him and bring him home quickly...and safely. Bring Oscar home to me oh God, so that we can have a God filled marriage, together, in love for one another. God please soften his heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Remind him of his love for me. Please God, remind Oscar of the promises he made me, and God, don't let the devil take what you promised me. I know we all have free will, but I also know Oscar is a child of yours. Do not let him be defeated. I call upon your angels, to lead him away from the life he is living. please God, send him back to me...to our home, where he belongs. I love you oh Lord and I praise you, for you are the almighty! Amen.

1/16/08:I'mhaving a yucky day. My mind is full of thoughts of Oscar. i've often times prayed to God, to only make me think of Oscar when he thinks of me. For the most part, I think it helps, because I have been thinking of him alot less...but today he must be thinking about me alot...bc i can't stop thinking of him. I don't want to call him. I want him to make an effort. I want him to reach out. I am praying so diligently, I do believe in miracles, and I think God will give me one. I ask you all to continue praying...that my miracle is soon!

1/18/08:I'm still counting on my God, to come through for me. I am having another yucky day, trying to bat off feelings of depression. It doesn't help that it is rainy and gray out. I ask God, to please hear my prayers. I ask God to continue watching over my abuela. I ask that when we go to get her test results...the scans are clear. I ask that God help me find a second job to make ends meet. I also ask God to soften Oscar's heart of stone, into a heart of flesh towards me. I want God to please make himself known to Oscar. I know we have free will, but drugs cloud out vision. Right now, Oscar doesn't have free will..the devil (the drugs) are making choices for him. He is sick, he is an addict. I ask for God to push him into the right direction. I ask God, to make him see the truth. I beg God, hear my prayers. Amen.

1/21/08: I had a terrible Sunday yesterday. I woke up filled with hate. I don' t want to hate. I want to see God's glory. If God can move a mountain, raise the dead, and cure the blind....why can't he show me a sign. Why can't God please give me a reason to hold on to my faith. THings are just going from bad to worse. I want to hear God. I want to hear him. I want to see the things he has promised me. I dont' understand why my life has gone to this. I have hit my rock bottom. People on here tell me turn it over to God, I think I have. I really have, yet I don't feel or see God doing anything to change my life. It isn't even so much about Oscar its more about the fact that one bad thing keeps happening to me after another. Please brothers and sisters of faith...pray I don't lose my faith in God.I never see the prayer answered box on here by anyone. I have been on this site for 5 months, and maybe only seen a couple people check it. God, please listen to the prayers on this site...I know I'm not the only child you have who is so desperately seeking you. God please touch us all. Amen.

1/23/08: Though to some this may sound petty, i feel like its a small step in the right direction. Oscar called twice yesterday, and I didn't answer. Today he called this morning twice, I picked up the 2nd time. He wants to come over and talk. Please pray that I am able to keep my cool. PLease pray that he sees that I've changed in this time as well. Please pray that I don't say to much, sometimes its better to just listen. Please pray that he is honest, and that his heart of stone has turned more into a heart of flesh towards me. I ask that you join me in prayer that he does show up! So many times he says he wants to talk and never comes over...please pray that he comes over...and that this opens doors to a new beginning. Please pray that he wants help. Dear God, please bless me today. Please GOd, make this happen perfectly. I'm sorry God, for my recent confusion. I love you oh God, and I thank you. Amen.

1/24/08: First off, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has been praying for my situation. It is really been so uplifting, but Oscar picked drugs. I just don't get it, and maybe its bc I don't get addiction. He called me. He was seeking me out. Then he didn't call or show. I find out from a mutual friend(who called me) that he didn't come because he was to high. I am sad for Oscar, because he was such a smart good honest man before this all began. He has thrown away so much, not just me. I worry about him I do. But I'm done praying on here for a while. It has nothing to do with any of you, but I'm depressed. I come on here, and never have any good news to share. There is rarely prayer answered check boxes (either people forget to answer them, or they just don't care). I can't afford staying on here without candles. I get sad when no one prays, so I guess I'll only come on when big updates happen. If he ever shows up etc. I am hurt by Oscar, and in some ways hurt by God. I know we have free will, but I also know Oscar is a child of God. A parent tries to give their child tough love, but eventually has to step in and say enough! I hope God, gives him a wake up call. More than I want him to come home, I want him better. I will be in touch with you all. God bless you all who pray for me daily, but I feel like i need to step away. I'm not taking down my page and leaving forever. LIke i said, made some wonderful friendships on here. There are wonderful people who pray and pray and pray for my situation, and it means the world to me. But I want to think positively. I want to stop posting unless things happen (good things). So here's hoping...(and still praying) that good things start really really soon. I pray for you all. I hope God hears the answers of your heart. I am not giving up on Oscar. I am not giving up on God. I am just taking a break. Whats meant to be will be, even if there is prayer involved, God will do what he will do in his own time. I love you all, my brothers in sisters in Christ. Amen.

one more thing: I haven't given up...more like a vacation from this constant prayer. God knows what is in my heart. I lite all my candles, as one last show, atleast for a while. God bless you all, there are so many kind hearted people on here, I know God will start making miracles for us soon. Amen.

I still haven't given up, but I haven't heard any news yet either. I was so touched, that even though i hadn't been on in a couple days, people were still praying for me, for Oscar, and our situation. It was very moving. I ask that everyone continue to pray. I do beleive God may be working behind the scenes, but would love to see some sort of sign from him. I have very small faith, but I know my God, is wonderful. Please continue to pray that God hears the answers of my heart. God bless you all. Amen.

2/4/08: I wish i could come on here with better news, but the truth is, nothing. I am crying out to God, and I feel like he isn't comforting me. I know people say, "he's working behind the scences" but I need to see a sign. My faith is growing weary. I spoke to Oscar friday, saturday, and this morning, which I suppose is a step in the right direciton. He becomes very quiet, I feel like he isn't listening, maybe even high. I ask that God please hear me. God knows what is in my heart, I want Oscar to get the help he needs, to be away from these bad people and bad influences. I want him to remember all the things he promised, I want him to be the man he was. I want God to touch him in such a way, that he never leaves God's side. Please God, please turn Oscar's heart of stone in to a heart of flesh towards me. I ask God, please make me think of him less, and take some of the overwhelming thoughts I have away from me. Please God, I have been praying so long, so fervently. He was not my boyfriend, we were going to get married this month. Please make him have compassion, please clear his head long enough (from drugs or witchcraft or whatever evil influences may be) so that he remembers our good times. We barely fought, and he keeps saying...all we did was fight. This just isn't true. The fighting didn't start until the drugs started. I ask God, please save this your son. What a victory it would be over the devil, to bring him back to me, so that we can be happy like we once were. He says he still thinks of me alot. Make the thoughts only be thoughts of love. Please make something I said to him today, soften his heart. He has become so cold, to me, to everyone. Soften his heart of stone. Please God, look how I've changed. God I've turned to you. I have really given this situation up to you, please start showing me visable signs that things will get better. Please God, give me the breakthrough you promised me. Please God, return Oscar, so we can get married, and carry out a healthy relationship, filled with love for oneanother and for you first God, Please God, please see all my cries. See all the over 1000 plus prayers on here, on other sites, people at my church, friends of mine, his family. Please God, please I know you can create a miracle. I swear God, I promise you, i will take him to church if you bring him back. We will be a testimony to others. Please God, cure him of his addictions and bring him back to me safely, and quick please. Dear God, I love you, but I feel hurt by you. Please don't ignore all these prayers, please make something good happen for once. God please bring him back to me, now and forever...and healthy. Dear God, don't ignore these prayers, I beg you, I beg you. I know you hear me cry, all of heaven hears me cry, please do something soon, something amazing. Show me that you are God. I love you oh God, but right now I feel so hurt. PLease God please, hear this prayer and all the prayers I have in my heart. Amen.

2/5/08: Please lift up in prayer with me, my abuela. Tomorrow I am leaving work at noon to take her to a follow up appointment. She is a breast cancer survivor, but they have reason to believe another lump has formed and may need to be removed. She is in her 80's and not in good condition. She has a pacemaker, thus making any procedure more risky. My abuela(grandma) is so important to me. Even though she is older, she has been such a good friend to me, so supportive. I love her so much. I ask that God please make this lump be nothing, or make it not show up any more. Please God, you know how much she means to me, especially since i lost my father. please God, help her with her pain, please keep her around long enough that she can see me happy, that is her only wish. I also ask you God, to please help me find a 2nd job. I'm not afraid to work at all, but many jobs keep telling me I'm overqualified. I ask you God, bring something in my life, so that I can start taking care of this terrible debt hole I'm in. I also ask you God, protect Oscar. I know he is not well. I know he has free will God, but I ask you to please push him out of danger. I know you are God, but it isn't easy for me to trust. Please God, teach me to trust you. I want to know what you want from me, from your mouth. I want to hear your voice. I love you God, please please don't let me down. It took so much for me to go back to church after my dad died, you know this, and I did it because I needed you. do not desert me now. I love you God, please show me your way. Amen

2/6/08: Abuela's big doctor's appointment is today at 2:30. Please lift her up in prayer, that these test results come back with the best news possible. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers, especially today!

2/7/08: Yesterday's appointment was not what we wanted to hear. They told her they found a lump, that was filled was calcium, and that they are going to have to preform a biopsy. My grandmother is a cancer survivor, and didn' tthink she would have to deal with it again. She is in her 80's. She is nervous, especially because she is not in good condition. She has a pacemaker. I ask God, to please keep her around as long as possible.She is the only parent I have left. I beg you God stop taking away from me. I am so hurt, God. Why can't I have a break. Please don't take away, and if its the devil, please GOd, I beg you step in and fight for me. People on here tell me to hold on to faith, I don't know how, if bad things keep coming one after another. God please comfort my abuela, I know she is so nervous about this whole situation, as am I. Please God, remind her how strong she is, and how much I really do need her. I love you God, but right now I feel so unloved. I don't know that there is any real explanation anyone on prayabout can give me...about why all these bad things have happened to me. I don't want an answer from a human, I want answers directly from you God. I know I am a sinner, I know I have done wrong things. But I've come to you and been sorry. My grandmother is so good. She was my mother. When I lost my father, it was her who kept me sane. When I quit teaching, it was her and Oscar who supported me financially and emotionally. When Oscar started using, it was her who comforted me. please God, all she wants is for me to be happy, and I can't even give her that. I try to put on a fake act, but she knows me, and she knows better. God, please don't take anything more away. My faith is getting lessened and lessened daily. It seems like things keep going from bad to worse. Please God, show me you are God.

2/20/08: sorry its been so long since i last logged in, been trying to step back. Today and yesterday I made a decision to really let everything go...hoping and trusting in my God to pick up the pieces of my life. I was really hesitant to make the decision I did, but I hope it was for the best. I told Oscar, to get his belongings from my house. I think in some ways i was holding on to his things as a means, a security blanket. Many times I asked him to pick them up, many times he would agree...but he would never come. He has alot of photos of his family, clothing, tools, etc...I'd say 1/4 his possessions. I told him I didn't want to play games...and that I didn't want to call the cops...but that he needed to pick up his belongings (because they were bothering my new boyfriend-technically I don't have one...but if not I knew he would want to come over and see me.) I am not in the mood to see him right now. So i sacked up everything and left it on my porch. I am doing this to show God, i have completely given it up to him. I can't suffer any more. I can't pray for him anymore (not in the capacity that I was). It was making me sick. Now don't get me wrong, I do still which the best for him. I do hope he gets better. In some ways, I still think God will restore our relationship and allow us to marry. That is my desire, but I am no longer counting on it. I am turning my focus towards looking for a second job (the market is terrible here) and my sick grandmother and God. I hope I did the right thing today. I hope God hears me...and sees this as a true sign that I have turned things over to God. God i know i've made some mistakes, not some...plenty, but I love you, and I'm trying to trust that you are going to fix my life with my help. I love you God, please show me that I am doing the right thing. Amen.

2/20/08: update...please God, tell me what to do. He called, Oscar that is, and i know he is using, by the his voice. Anyhow he says he won't be able to get his stuff until later (how ironic the hr i get off) and even then he isn't sure if he could come by. I am not cold hearted enough to throw away his stuff. I do not really want to see him because i know it will make me upset. I don't want to let him know he still has that effect on me. I know this is not advice line, its prayer line. I am not looking for advice really, but that God leads me to make the right decisions if he shows up knocking at my door tonight...that I speak calmly and say all the correct things according to God's will. I pray that God does remove him of his addictions, but I know i can't keep feeling this way. I really feel like he leaves his things at my house as a secret hope that he can come home one day. I ask that God give me patiences and understanding to do the right thing. I know this isn't the most serious problem on here, but right now, its like a tumor growing on my brain. I want to do the right thing, i want God to guide me. Please take a minute or two, to ask God to guide me. If i do speak to Oscar tonight, i ask that God make him be of clear mind, drug free, and honest. i do not want to speak to him if he is under the influence of anything. Thank you to all of those who are praying for my situation. I know I haven't been a good prayer partner online, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with all of you, and when I get the oppurtunity, i will be posting, please, today, lift this intention up to God. Please God, make me make right choices. Amen.

2/21/08 he never showed up to get his things, though he said he would after 6. i can't throw away his possessions. they really don't bother me that much, so i guess i'm just going to do nothing. I'm not going to keep calling him to get them, bc right now they obviously don't mean anything to him. I'm just going to put them in the extra closet, and wait for God to make moves...instead of me forcing him to get his things. Please continue to pray for my grandma and also that I get a second job of some sort...and soon. Amen

2/26/08: WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS! Today is my grandmother's pre opt for her lump removal tomorrow. Please God, give this woman strength. She has already beat cancer once. Please God, do not take her yet, she's all I got. She has to be there tomorrow at 8am. Please brothers and sisters pray for her, she's old and not as strong as she used to be. She's the only person on this whole earth who loves me unconditionally, Please God, let her beat this.

2/27/08: My abuela is doing well. Thank you all for your prayers. Thank you God for hearing them. She may have to go in, in another month, to remove one more lump (that was sent to radiology), but she is in good spirits & very little pain. Thank you God for this. Thank you for hearing my heart. I love you God, and I thank you for helping her through this today.Amen. (P.s- thanks to all of you who have been praying and lighting candles for me) I've been super busy, but please know i pray for you all, and will get back to typing requests soon. Love to you all, Christina

P.S My grandmother lives 2 blocks away from the hospital, since the surgery went so well...they offered her a part time nurse...so that she could go home (we all feel better at home). So she's at home and resting...thank you God.

2/29/08: First off, I want to give thanks to God and to all of those who have helped me pray for my grandmother's recovery. I am so glad that she is doing well, and she's not in to much pain. Thank you God for allowing this operation to go so smoothly. I am more thankful than you all can know. I really appreciate all the prayer. In this stressful time, I'm sorry I haven't been able to type up prayer responses to many people...but know that you are all in my heart.

I also want to pray for my friend Sara, who is in labor right now. I ask that God give her an easier labor and a healthy baby.

I am going to church this evening, and haven't been in quite some time. Lately, I've been so confused by God, by others, and by the things I hear in my head (not sure when its satan and when its God?)I feel faithless. I guess God, helping my grandmother through the surgery did reboost my faith, but honestly not enough. I beg God, I pray for faith. I want more...I dno't trust him enough, it is not right...but I'm just being honest. I do not trust God enough, I hope he can appreciate that I can admit it. I want to trust him, but because of the loses I've had in my life, it isn't an easy task. I am asking God, to not let the devil speak to me anymore. Not through me directly, through others, not trhough my ideas. Or if the devil must tempt me...please God, make it so that I know it is the devil. I want to hear your voice God, i don't want to hear it through others (because i am worried the devil may be using them). I have only had one person profezise for me, I want to hear it from God. God please make me come out of service tonight with a clear mind. Please God, give me more faith. I beg of you to give me more faith. You know the desires of my heart. You also know...that i feel like you are giving me mixed signals God. Please help me...one way or the other...help me do the right things God. Please God, you know what is in my heart...but if it can't be...help me comfort me...God I am asking for more faith, I want to trust you, even though right now...I am afraid to trust you. Please God, help me trust you again. Amen.

3/3/08:Waiting patiently God. I can't do anything else. If anyone can give me a miracle, it is you. You know the desires of my heart. If its true, (and I think it is) that you see us always, you saw me this morning on my way to work. You heard my cries. God, please start making things move in the right direction. Start turning wheels in my favor God. I am sorry for the wrongs I've done in my life. I know I am not perfect, but God I need your help. I sometimes feel like you aren't here, or arn't listening to me. God please show me that you hear my cries. I need signs that things are getting better...real signs. Please God, you know my heart's desires, please God tell me what I need to do...to gain your favor. God have pity on me...I beg you, have pity on me. Give me back what the devil has taken. God you are stronger than the devil. I do believe that, please prove the devil wrong. Give me back all that was robbed from me, please God, please, show me you are GOd. I don't ever want to lose you God, I want to understand you. I want to trust you. I hope you forgive me and understand why my faith is so low right now. God, please give me a testimony...with a happy ending. God please, give me my breakthrough now...as you promised me. God I love you, please please start showing me that you have heard all my cries. Please God, have pity on me. Amen.

3/4/08: God, my Lord, thank you for my grandmother. Thank you for her health. THank you for letting her battle that operation and win. God, please watch over me. Have pity on me. Hear my hearts desire. Please restore what has been taken from me God. Watch over me God, you know what is in my heart. Please give me strength. Please give me your protection. If there are people trying to harm me, stop them. Do not let the devil take away anymore from me. Please God, send your angels to return what is mine. Amen.

3/5/08: God, thank you for yesterday! It was a step in the right direction for my financial situation. I have alot of new ideas for some extra jobs. A couple applications look promising. I thank God that I have such a great day job. They treat me very well here. I hope God continues to give me positive news about getting a 2nd job. My grandmother has a follow up appointment today, this afternoon. I thank God for her healing so well after surgerylast week. I ask you God, please give her the best news today regarding the operation/tests. I also ask you God, not to forget my Oscar. I am sure that you are working on him behind the scenes. Because of yesterday, I feel like my breakthrough is near. I know money isn't everything God, but I want to take care of my financial responsbilites. Thank you for protecting me from my enemies. God thank you for having pity on me. I know I am your child. I love you. I feel lost sometimes, but I really think yesterday was a minibreakthrough...and that the big one is just around the corner. I love you God, and I ask you have mercy on me for my sins. Have pity on me for my prayers. Thank you God, thank you for my blessings, please hear the requests of my heart. Amen.

3/10/08:God, I am sorry for my sins. God I know I am not perfect, but I am your child. Please God, you are my heavenly father, you know all things. I know you know the real desires of my heart. I am ready for my breakthrough God. I need you to show me please, what it is you need for me to do to get my breakthrough. I am trying my best, but am desperate God, to speed things along. God please, you have to hear me cry. Please don't let me cry anymore. Resolve my issues. God you are stronger than the devil. Keep the devil away from me. Break anything he has put on me. God I try to be honest with you,e ven if what i am feeling is bad. Right now, I feel as if you don't care about my needs. You are ignoring me God, that is how I feel. 100 men and women on Earth can tell me different, but I want to feel you. I do not want any more trials or tests. The devil has tested me enough for my age. I do not want more tests of faith. My faith is little, but it exsists Lord. The proof is in all that I have lost, and the fact that I still believe even after all that sadness that has happened. God I am thankful to you for allowing me to still remain with a mustard seed size of faith. I ask you God, to please grant me the desires of my heart. Make the changes necessary in my life, to make the desires of my heart come to fruition. Please God, remove any negative influences in the lives of those I love, especially Oscar, who is struggling with the addictions of drugs and alcohol. I really ask you God, please give him the wake up call he needs. I am more worried about his life than anything, but it would be a lie if I said, i didn't want him to come home. Dear God, I know you give us all the gift of free will, but please God, give him a giant wake up call. Please God, he is your son, protect him from the bad influences in his life God. Remind him of the man he used to be. Remind of how important he is to his family. God please, make the missing pieces of the puzzle start coming together for him. If he needs to hit rock bottom, please speed it up, because the drugs really seem to be overtaking his life. God please, even though I am asking him to hit rock bottom, protect him in the same token. Give him battles he can overcome with your help. Please God, show him how much his life is worth. Please God, don't let the devil take anymore away from me. I've lost alot, please God, return to me what the devil has taken. God you are stronger than the devil. Please God, show me you are God, show me a miracle. I am not asking for a favor...I am asking for a miracle. God you know whats in my heart. I know, if there is a God in heaven...you have to see how many tears I've shed. Please God, I am begging you, show me results. Show me you are God. Please please, let me know that Oscar is going to be okay. I have lost to many people in my life. I just want to know he is going to get over this addiction before it is to late. God please send your angels to fight with him. Make him sick every time he does drugs. Please God, if he needs to get in trouble with the law to scare him, let it be so. Just make him happen already, because each day is just another day he is becoming more and more addicted. God please, give me this miracle, you are God. Even mission impossibles are possible with you. Please God, please have pity on me. I know the story of the widow...he keeps going to the judge...begging for her justice. I am begging for mine. You have seen what the devil has turned me into. I am not myself. Please God, fix this situation, I need you. God have pity on me. I need you so terribly.

3/11/08: I am feeling a new surge of energy in myself. I am thankful for the overtime opportunity i've been given at work. I am thankful for God keeping my abuela well. I am thankful for the help my mother gave me the other day. i feel like things have got to turn around. I am thankful for all of you who are praying for me and for Oscar. I really feel that God can't let all these prayers go unanswered. I Know God does things in his own timing, but hopefully my cries are helping God see how much I am hurting. It is not in my nature to be upset over a broken relationship, I wish people would understand, it is more than that. He is slowly dying becuase of the drugs he is using. Of course I miss him..I do. I wish he were home right now, but more than anything I pray that he gets out of the environment he is in. I hope all his bad friends go away. I hope all the negative influences leave him alone. I pray that he remembers the man he used to be, and longs to become him again. Dear God, please remind him of who he was...and what he had. Fill him with fire..to want to do the right things. Remind him of his love for me God. AMen.

3/17/08: I'm really upset with God. I can't lie and pretend I'm not. I have to be honesst with him. Just as one aspect of my life seems to be resolving, it gets taken away from me. I have been having financial crisis since Oscar left, because it was a second means of income. I don't make enough to pay my bills and have been seeking a second job. I'll clean bathrooms, I don't care, i just need money. I need a job that will give me hours, not 10 hours...but 30 plus. I work now, and am thankful for the job I have, but i don't have enough to make ends meet. THe market is very bad here. I have been praying to God, and applying everywhere. I have a college degree, yet nothing is coming in. I finally thought God had given me a break, because my boss offered me overtime weekly for a couple months, meaning an extra min of 100 bucks weekly. During the 1st week of this, the owner of the company denied the overtime, so I'm back to square one. I have applied and applied and no one calls me...or if they call me...i never get the job overqualified is all i hear. I am not asking for to much money, at this point, ill take anything. I am so hurt by God. I was so thankful when I heard about the possibility of overtime. That night i got on my knees and thanked God...for the oppurtunity. I cried i was so thankful..and the next day...it was denied. I don't want more trials or tests. I don't want more advise from wellmeaning people on pray abotu telling me "look for a new church" or "god is testing you". I don't want any more tests. I am really loosing faith. I have told God, stop testing me. I have told God to help me, to show me what he wants from me. I hear nothing. I don't know how I am supposed to keep faith...when nothing good is happening.People rarely pray for me on here anymore...its not even so much about Oscar...its about me and God. I am so so hurt by God. I don't understand why when I pray...I feel no9thing. I have tried different churches. I have gone to over 15 different churches (different faiths) I find no answer. I read the bible. I do all the standard things. I am in a pit, and God doens' tcare. I want God to save me. I want God to rescue me...and i feel so abandoned and ignored. I have no where to turn but to God. I have reliquished all my problems to him. I keep applying for jobs..i keep trying to smile..but Im sitting at my desk crying daily. I have no family to help me out financially. I am so alone...The only person I want to rely on...has ignored me...I don't understand why God is letting me feel like this. Don't blame the devil, God is stronger than the devil. I am begging God to fight the devil on my behalf..yet still only bad things keep happening. Please don't offer me sugarcoated advice. I want real prayer...tha God intervines on my life soon, because I don't know how much more tmie I can take in this pit.

3/20: I'm not giving up. I've had a bad month, really bad month. but somehow..a combination of prayers has gotten me today...strong. With a strength I haven't felt in some time. Please pray for me because tomorrow i have an interview for a second job that I so desperatly need. Please continue to keep my grandmother in your prayers, she is doing much better. And also keep Oscar in your prayers. I ask that God remind him of who he was, and show him its possible to be that man again. God show me the miracles in my heart. Amen

P.S- thank you to all my brothers and sisters who have been praying for me in my absence. I will be getting around to praying for you all over today and this weekend. Happy Easter to all, God bless you!

3/24/08: I'm sorry to keep requesting the same prayer, but I will keep praying to show God I do believe in him and his miracles! I need your prayers brothers and sisters! Please pray for my fiance, that he gets off drugs and remembers the man he was.My fiance and I have seperated because he started using drugs. He was a very good man, but snapped when he lost his high paying job. I ask that you please pray for him to get off of drugs. I know he has free will, but drugs change and alter a person. I believe the devil is controling his will now. I ask you to please pray for Oscar, that God may remind him of the man he was. I ask that God please help him have the wake up call necessary to turn away from drugs and to turn to God instead.Also please pray for me that I am able to remain strong and have faith in God, even though I am going through a difficult and emotional and financial time. Amen.

3/25/08:God you know these two mountains I speak of. The first being my financial crisis. God you see my going on interviews. You see me appling places I'd normally never apply. I am trying to humble myself God. Please give me a break. Please God, give me a second job. I don't care if it is labor related. I just want to take care of my debts dear God. Please God, watch over me today and bless me when I go looking for this second job. Please let someone hire me. I need a min of an extra 150 dollars a week. I'm not afraid to work God, you know this. Please God, just make someone hire me. Also GOd, you know the second mountain is Oscar. God please I ask that whenever he gets the oppurtunity to do drugs, you knock it out of hishands. Make it hard for him to find drugs. May his suppliers go to jail or move away so he becomes terrified to even touch the stuff. May the people he owes money to come looking for him, not to harm him but to scare him. God please get this man off drugs. PLease God, I know he has free will, but I do honestly believe the devil & drugs are controlling his free will at this point. Please God, make it so that when he uses, nothing in his life goes correctly. If it is necessary for him to hit rock bottom before he cleans up, make it happen now God. I thank you because I know you are the only one who can save him. I thank you because I know you won't let things be bad forever. I thank you for giving your only son on the cross so we can live. God I ask you, I pray through the bible, I ask you God, please start moving these mountains for me, quickly. I am loosing faith. I do not want the devil to take over my head or my heart. I hate the devil. Iwant what has been taken from me to be paid back. I want a life of surplus God, and I want it to come from you. I ask you God, over and over, like the widow begging the judge i ask you to please help me find a 2nd job and to please return Oscar to his old self. God I come to you and I ask in your name. Your word says, ask and ye shall receive. I am asking God. I am begging. The word of the Lord also says, when we ask we should thank you in advance as if we have already received our answer. God there are to many ackward things happening (you know but i'm not going into detail on here) for you to not give me a miracle. I thank you in advance because I know it is coming very soon. God please, I thank you for the blessings I had, and I can't wait for them to all be restored! I Thank you, because I know you will do this for me. Thank you God. I also thank you for continuing to keep my abuela well. She has her days, but for the most part, she is doing better. Thank you for her God, because she is the only thing that keeps me going at times. Please God, what ever work you are doing behind the scences, please give me glimpses. God I need signs from you that things are going to get better. Please God, I'm your child. In many ways, your orphan now that my earthly father is gone. Please protect me God. Show me you are a loving God, who can help right all my wrongs. God you know I am sorry for the wrong things I have done in my life, I am truthfully sorry for them. God please have pity on me oh Lord. Have pity on me and please comfort me, because the mental depression I am feeling now is just unbearable. I know there are people with worse problems, but God, please let me see the sun shine again. God please let me remember what its like to be happy again. God please grant me this...please God. I know you can do it, please I beg you, have pity on me. Please grant me the desires of my heart. Amen.

3/28/08: Feeling kinda low today. I was out sick from work yesterday, I think I'm coming down with something. Still no word on the 2nd job, but I'll keep looking. And on the Oscar front, same story different day. I did go to excellent little church on Tuesday night and can't wait til there Sunday service. Please pray for me brothers and sisters, cause I'm feeling so down. I don't see God making any changes, in any aspect of my life right now, and its hurting me. Thank you for all of those who continue to pray for my situation. I ask you to pray my depression subsides...and soon. Also please continue to pray to God leads me to a second job...very soon. My debts are becoming overwhelming and adding to the stress I don't need. I know the bible says, when we pray we should act as if we've already received what we are asking for. I am asking God,. right now, and thanking him in advanced, for the full restoration of Oscar. I ask that God get him off drugs, back in his right mind, and that we get married as planned. I thank you GOd, because right now, I see, you are the only one who can turn things around. Please God, have pity on me and make things move faster. I am hurting God...and I am your child. Please Father God, help me. God I am trying to be more positive and more thankful. Please God, see my efforts, and please give me what i've asked for. Amen.

3/30: Thank you God, for the 2nd job you have given me. Though it is labor, and not what I expected, I thank you. It is hard for me to humble my self to this type of job, I have a degree from a high ranking university, but I am thankful regardless. I know the market is bad here now, and with the second job I should be able to pay off some debts. I may go crazy from lack of sleep, but thats what coffee is for! Thank you God for coffee. I start Friday. I'm going to keep my regular job, which will be from 8 to 5, then go to the 2nd job, which will be from 6 to 2 or 3 am. I am thankful because I will get alot of hours there. I am also thankful because it is close to home. I am also thankful because I know it is a temporary situation that won't last forever. I'm about to get dressed and head to church. I know I owe a couple people prayer requests, and will try to get on that asap. Thank you for you prayers brothers and sisters. I am still putting my faith in GOd. He helped me get this job when I thought things were hopeless on the job front. He showed me there was a way. I can't wait til God shows me there is a way with Oscar. I ask that this Sunday when you read this, take a moment out to thank God for my new job. Also, take a moment to ask God, to please remind Oscar of the good man he used to be. The bible says when two or more of us are gathered..so please if you can agree with me in prayer today, so that God can nudge him in the right direction. Amen.

4/1/08:Again I want to tell God how thankful I am for the second job. It will be difficult, but the manager seems nice and is really working with me. In the words of Bart Simpson "sleep is for wimps" but I do know God wouldn't give me things I couldn't handle. Hopefully I get used to the shifts and the lack of sleep quickly. I know it won't be forever either, so thats encouraging. I am thankful to God, because the truth is the market is do bad here right now. I also found a way to take a deduction of my payroll check and will now make an extra 50 bucks a month. Though its not a whole lot, its 50 dollars more, and with the way gas is rising, I don't have to explain that to anyone on prayabout, I know we are feeling that pain. I ask, along with I'm sure 10000000's of others, that God do something to help the state of the nation. Whether yuo are republican, democratic, or don't care about politics, it doesn't matter. It just seems that things are getting more and more difficult here. I ask that God really pour blessings on us all. I thank God again, i really do thank him from the bottom of my heart, for leading me to this second job. I continue to ask God for strength and prayers. I have a meeting with a woman named Ericka today...I hope its full of truth and clarity. I also ask God to take a special watch over my sister right now. She's just turned 18. She is a wonderful young woman, I just hope God keeps her on the right path. I also ask God for healing for Oscar and his drug addictions and addictions of all sorts. I remove addictions from Oscar's life right now in the name of Jesus. I ask that God take care of his son Oscar, and please deliver him from the pit he is in. God please create miracles in his life, so that he truly learns of your love for him. Amen.

4/2: Even though I have a job lined up for this friday, there is a 2nd option. I have to go and double check with the store manager, but this 2nd option is much much safer. It is in a better location. I would get paid more. The work is easier. It is something that holds a little more prestige. I am still happy for the initial offer I got and not going to call and cancel until I am 100% sure the new offer is a possibility. If I'm not able to work this new option for whatever reason, I want to make sure there is a plan B. So to make a long story short, please agree with me in prayer that this new "safer" option works out. Pray that I get an answer today, or tomorrow. Dear God, please you know this second option is so much better for me. Please God, hear my prayers and the prayers of my brothers and sisters. I also thank you for the church service last night, it was amazing. Thank you God for this day. Thank you God for the situation with Oscar's uncle. Please pray for me, that God does give me this new option for a job. God thank you thank you for the way I seem to be getting answers to questions. I love my pray about family and all those who are praying for me for the church I started attending. God, please, I know you are going to start giving me visable signs, and I thank you for this. Amen.

4/3/08: God I wonder if you heard me last night. I was crying so loud, i'm pretty sure the neighbors heard me. God, where are you? I am trying so hard. I am going to church. I am reading the bible. I am focusing on you, but I still don't feel you. I feel so hurt by you God. I know they say that you love me, but I don't really believe it. God now the job situation isn't looking great. Oscar situation is looking horrible. I don't see light at the end of my tunnel. I don't see you God. I don't feel you. I am hurting. I was calling out to you last night, and nothing. Today is my grandmother's birthday, I ask you to pray for her...especially her health. God I want to hear you. God i want to see answers. I want to see results. I've sowed and sowed. Please God, show me you are a good God...because I don't see it. Please God, help me. I need your help so bad. This depression is becoming unbearable. I need my miracles now. God I don't ever want to lose you, but I feel like I am. Please don't let this pain keep going on. I shouldn't feel this much hurt. It is not fair or just. I am dying on the inside, and you are doing nothing about this. Please God, please...I beg you, change things. Make me smile again, please God, somehow, in your way, please give me the miracle I need. Amen.

4/4/08:I'm done. I won't be coming on here for some time. I am selling my engagement ring. Oscar has already pawned his, he told me. He didn't try to stop me when I spoke to him. I can' t lose my house, and its getting close to that point. I now see God doesn't care to bring Oscar back (please don't reply with the bull of God has something better...I don't want anyone). I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW OUTRAGED I AM WITH GOD!!! I spent so many hours crying and begging for him to restore my relationship. Though we weren't married in a church, we were husband and wife. I am done with praying. I prayed and trusted God wholehearted, and now I'm having to sell my ring or lose my house. Oscar has no intention of coming home. He's happy, living this sinful life. I am sorry, you can pray for me if you'd like, but right now, GOd hasn't helped me. There has been no solution to my finances (the second job). THere has been no comfort to my emtional state of depression. You can tell me all you want to have faith, but its impossible for me to have faith in God, when I never get any help. I didn't need Oscar to come home, but I did need comfort from this emotional state, and he didn't provide it. So now, God can have my ring. God can take all my dreams and flush them down the toilet. I truly give up. TOmorrow I'll go pawn it or sell it or whatever, because I'm behind in house payments. Thank you for your prayers, but I don't care what the bible says, God doesn't always give us what we ask for. Look how many children die daily, even though we pray and pray for them. Even though I wish I could, I just don't see God as a loving God. So thanks foreverything, for your prayers for your time. I can't keep waiting. I am selling the ring, and even though its just a thing, it will break my heart to do it. It will break my heart, and God doens't care about that either.

i've never felt like i hated God, until today. I wish i didn't feel like this, but I do. Please pray that satan doesn't take me over. I can't pray anymore. It hurts to much. TO see that, not even one thing I ask God for happens, so I'm done.

I dont feel any better, quit frankly the more i think about this, the more angry I get at how much i trusted God. tonight i start my 2nd job. it is so demeaning, the only place that would take me. And im supposed to be thankful? Sorry but NO. I can't think that a God who loves me would let me suffer this much. I deal with it if God said, no no oscar. I could deal with it if God wanted me to be poor financially. BUT I CAN NOT DEAL with God letting me be this sad and depressed. I cry out to him for my depresison more than anything else. I am severly depressed, and if there was a "good God" in heaven, I can't believe he would allow me to become this, this mess that I am. I can't keep believing,w hen i see nothing. I just want to thank you all for your prayers, but most likely going to take this page down once the cnaldes light out. If God was real, he'd give me my miracle tonight. He would take this depression and throw it so far away. But i gotta tell you, working over night in this dump for minimum wage isn't going to help my depression. I have a bachlors degree, and i am working for pennies. Thanks GOd? im supposed to be thankful to god? go figure. I can' ttake much more of this, i wish people would stop giving me fluffy answers. I know you mean well, but telling me to trust in God isn't going to pay the bills, it sure didn't bring Oscar back, and sure hasn't helped with my depression. I can't trust in a God who makes me feel this crappy about myself and my life. and if its not him, and its the devil, God is supposed to be stronger? Where is he, why isn't he protecting me from the devil. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't live this way.

I fainted on saturday night at my second job, hurt my leg pretty bad. Then, sunday, got a ticket for 215 dollars (that i really don't have), then my grandfather who is 91 and on a fixed income lost his wallet, someone turned in the wallet, but with no money in it. I am tired of trials. I real peoples responses on here, and they say things that that hurt. I am not trying to judge anyone. If you don't want to pray for me or my situation thats fine, but please don't judge me. I'm tired of cliches and fluffy responses. I am tired of trials and tests. I am 24. I know life on earth isn't perfect, but I also know that I am not a bad person. I didn't bring bad things on my self. I can not go and take seniors fishing and working with a child who needs help(though that would be great), I have to work 2 jobs to pay my bills, there. My free time is spent in prayer and with my grandparents who are elderly and need to be looked after. I do not think they are a burden, but there is no time to volunteer. I am angry. I am hurt. I am upset. All those things are true, but I do feel abandoned by God, thats true too. If the last person who prayed to me can't understand why, they shouldn't judge me. I am tired of being tested. I can't take any more testing from God. My whole life, I've learned God is supposed to be a loving, healing, daddy like God. I do not blame God for the problems in my life. But I am angry with him because I am going to him, asking him to show me the right way. I am asking him to help me with my depression. I am asking for help....and things just keep going from bad to worse. I call out to God in prayer, for help, for comfort. I am an orphan, my father is dead and my mother is gone. I want God, to fill my soul, and I don't feel it. I disagree with the last wperson who "prayed" for me. God is and does grant miracles, not on command, no but because he loves us. I am angry, I am hurt, I feel abandoned by God. I don't want to feel like this, but I can't lie to myself or to God. I can't pretend that things are going to get better tomorrow, when they may not. I have hardly any faith left. I want God to give me a miracle. I want God to Show me he is God, but in a good way....not through tests. I go to church. I pray. I read the bible nightly. I try very hard to help others in any way that I can. I am not perfect, but I try. Yet, I can't seem to get a break from my own trials. I know life is full of trials, but I don't see why God just can't give me a break.

4/10/08: God, i ask you to please remove any mental problems that I am undergoing. I also ask you to please, help oscar get treatment for his psychopathic tendencies. He fits almost every single one of the characteristics of a psychopath. God, I ask that you please help him, he is not well. God please give him the wake up call he needs. Get him away from evil influences. Amen.

4/11 A sign or a break God, please! please, please, i beg you for pity oh God, because I don't know how much more I can take. I need a financial miracle God. I need it. Amen.

i have a pretty big interview for a second job friday. please