It was one sunny day …it was December then, I could not remember the exact date though when I got a message from someone whom I have not seen for almost seven years. I was surprised at the same time I felt excited with the idea of reunited again with someone I knew from the past.

I enjoyed every minute exchanging text messages and talking with him. It was so good to be true…everything was just perfect! A widow with one child- would I be able to accept his situation??? It was a question that kept striking my deepest thought…. But the words that I kept holding on were his promise to accept me and my baby. Who am I to refuse this man who was willing to accept me wholeheartedly? It was a moment that I do not want to end although we had more arguments and misunderstanding than having a good talk. He was there for me and for my baby and deep within I learned to love his child even if I have not seen him yet. It came to a point that he offered marriage. I refused. Not because I love him less but because I was more concern with our financial capacity. Not that I want to be filthy rich but somehow I want a good and comfortable life not only for me but more for the kids. We dreamed together, planned together. However, not all good memories would last forever. I thought I knew him already, I thought he was for real but suddenly, I was shocked with what I learned. The man that I gave my life with, the man that I have trusted with no questions asked was all the while a different man. Someone I did not know from the very start- a stranger. All along, he lied to me pretending that I was his only girl but he already had a girlfriend for 2 years. He just broke my heart. I thought I was going to die. I could not remember how many sleepless nights I had, how many instances I attempted to kill myself. Then, we talked. The only thing I was able to ask him was why did you lie to me? He hugged me tightly like a child and asked me to wait for in time he will choose me. Then again, I hold on to his promise. But everything just turned 360 degrees on my part. I became so paranoid, been nagging him, I felt so insecure. I was so disturbed, yeah, that's the right word to describe it. I was battling from emotional pain. The feeling was horrible but I hold on because I never loved someone the way I had loved him and I am willing to sacrifice my life for him. But then again, he lied to me. Right when her girlfriend learned about me, he promised her to let go of me telling me the opposite of course. Was I a total jerk? I decided to see him for the last time, at first to beg but when I saw him I then realized I wanted to see him only to stare at his face for the very last time before letting go. Looking straight at his eyes made me believe that I was such a fool for allowing him to hurt me that bad. When I closed my eyes, I saw him laughing, that big, loud laugh that would rattle my senses. He destroyed everything of me. How can he be so insensitive for ruining my life? How can he say he loves me when he loves somebody else? I’ve been asking these questions yet are left unanswered. He barged into my life unexpectedly then left me falling like a leaf. He never said goodbye, all he said was never to disturb him again. Now I am letting go still thinking of the unanswered questions. I do not know the reason of his existence in my life, I do not know why it all happened but I do believe everything has a reason. I may not understand now but in time I will learn to find the meaning of it all. I find myself homeless. I weep for all the while that we were dreaming, I was the only one who dreamed, for all the time we were together, i was alone. A part of me died and so I buried that part of me....I buried my heart. If my torture will make him the happiest man, then let it be.

....I am still in pain right now. I still cry, my heart still bleeds. I do not know who to move on.Pray that God will be there for me to help me.