It seems as if people who are mean get what they want. My ex treated me like crap and wouldn't married me. 3 years later he's married. Ex-friend starts dating this guy I was crazy about behind my back now I think that they live together. Me...I'm all alone. No friends. No man. I know my family is tired of me crying on their shoulders so I keep it to myself. I see so many people happy (I mean really happy..) and it just hurts me to my soul to know that I have no partner to go home to. I don't treat people bad. I give people respect. I pray for people. I not good all the time but I'm not bad either. I pray hard and long for this blessing to come so this part of my life can be finished. Nothing happens. I seel so many people in love God. They are so happy that you have blessed them. Like Tiana and Larry. She like him for soo long and when she finally told him he was receptive. I like that. I'm happy for her and for all those who have someone to hold them at night and talk to when things don't go right. I'm happy for those who have dates and go out. I really am.
At the same time I'm lonely. I watch from a far admiring these people and asking you "Why not me?".. I'm so empty right now. Dispair has set in and all I can do is just not understand why I'm being punished. I'm good a person. I'm good soul. I don't bother anyone. I try to bring joy to peoples life and make them smile. But because of my condition. My skin is so rough Lord that no man is interested in me. I look like a creature. People rub their faces when they see me. They cover up certain parts of their faces when they look at me. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just not happy God. I'm so sad. No one knows what its like except those who are experiencing the ridicule. It's like I'm hear to be ridiculed. Men are confused when they see me.. I don't know what to do anymore. I think about death not because its an easy way out but because I don't know what else to do. I can't take this anymore. I mean it God. I want to live but I honestly can't take it anymore. I try to look on the up side of things but even that is no longer real. I say dream all day sometimes. I talk to myself. I pretend that I'm someone else and that I have so many men that want me. A life totally opposite. I would give anything to just have normal skin and be with a man that excepts me. I would give you anything God to not be alone anymore. To not be made fun of. To not be ugly and fat. I'll give you anything to stop being looked at as a freak. I do anything.. Just tell me. Show me.what I have to do to not be alone anymore. So that the sadness and ridicule. I'll do whatever God. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to be dead. I just want to be happy and have someone to call my own. Not just anybody but the right one. I don't have enough tears. I don't want to stand on the side watching others anymore I want to be apart of things and looked at like a human being. So, many think I'm un attractive and I am so alone. I haven't had company in a long time. God please. Please let it happen now Lord. Please.