WELL....HE DIDNT COME HOME LAST NIGHT I FIGURED THAT MUCH BECAUSE HE DROVE HIMSELF TO WORK YESTERDAY AND HE WAS ACTING A LIL SPORATIC AND JITTERY USUALLY TELL-TELL SIGNS THAT HE IS THINKING ABOUT OR PLANNING TO MESS UP....ANYWAYZ HE JUST CAME IN LITERALLY ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO LOOKING PATHETIC AND PITIFUL.....WITH VERY LITTLE MONEY COMPARED TO WHAT HE EARNED YESTERDAY AT THE CAR LOT....PLUS WHEN HE CAME HE HAD PISSED & BOOPED HIMSELF...NOW REALLY !!! I AM FURIIOUS THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO HIM BEFORE SO THAT TELLS YOU HE HAD TO BE PRETTY WASTED YESTERDAY...GEE WHIZ !!! I MEAN HOW MUCH MORE ROCK-BOTTOM CAN YOU GET BEFORE YOU CHANGE????....IM REALLY TRYING TO HOLD MY TONGUE UNTIL I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING GODLY OR POSITIVE TO SAY NORMALLY HE WOULD BE IN FOR A TONGUE LASHING BUT ITS JUST NOT WORTH MY TIME OR ENERGY RIGHT NOW !!!! YOU KNOW YOU WOULD THINK THAT IT MAKES BETTER SENSE TO COME HOME AFTER WORK BE WITH YOUR FAMILY LIKE A MAN AND FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO ....LOL..BUT NO...HE WOULD RATHER GET WASTED SLEEP OUT IN THE OUR VAN ALL NIGHT & DRIVE ALL AROUND TOWN AND FREEZE HIS BUTT OFF !!! AND NOW THIS LATEST THING ....SO WASTED THAT YOU PEE ON YOURSELF....GOD HELP HIM CUZ I CANT EVEN LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW !!! PRAYER WARRIORS PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAYER THAT SHAWN WILL GIVE HIS LIFE TO GOD !!!!! THANKS AGAIN-KE

WELL PRAISE GOD....KNOCK ON WOOD, SOMETHING...THERE HAVENT BEEN ANY RELAPSES IN THE LAST WEEK, AND THATS PARTIALLY BECAUSE IVE BEEN DRIVING HIM TO WORK....ITS FUNNY BECAUSE EVEN WHEN WE MESS UP SO BADLY GOD IS STILL WATCHING OUT FOR US AND PROTECTING US...THAT SAME DAY THAT HE MESSED UP HE WAS "BLESSED" ENOUGH TO GO TO WORK THAT DAY AND MAKE $400 EXTRA !!!! GOD IS STILL BLESSING HIM EVEN THOUGH WE DONT DESERVE IT MAJORITY OF THE TIME....ISNT GOD'S LOVE A WONDERFUL THING???? WELL I WANT TO THANK EACH OF YOU FOR PRAYING FOR SHAWN & ME....I AM TRULY THANKFUL. MAY GOD SUPPLY EVERY ONE OF YOUR NEEDS MY FELLOW PRAYER PARTNERS -LOVE KE.

HEY YOU GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CONTINUING TO LIFT US UP IN PRAYER !!!! I HAVENT BEEN ON THE SITE IN OVER A WEEK AND THATS UNLIKE ME BUT IVE BEEN REALLY BATTLING THE FLU THESE LAST 6-7 DAYS....NORMALLY I TAKE A COLD MEDICINE (ALKA SELTZER OR SOMETHING) AND IM OK IN A DAY OR SO BUT THIS FLU HAD MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD DOWN FOR A WEEK !!! I DIDNT GET OUT OF BED FROM WEDNESDAY TO SATURDAY...IT KNOCKED ME OUT BUT I AM FINALLY SHAKING IT OFF PRAISE GOD !!! ANYWAYZ STILL NO RELAPSES PRAISE GOD !!!! SHAWN IS IN HIS WORD DAILY EVEN WHEN HE WAS SICK...HE IS ACTIVELY SEEKING GOD'S GUIDANCE CONCERNING HIS ADDICTION HE IS STILL ATTENDING HIS TREATMENT PROGRAM HAS BEEN GOING TO ALOT MORE THERAPY GROUPS / SESSIONS SO HE IS ON THE RIGHT TRACK FOR SURE....THINGS HAVE BEEN VERY MELLOW AND PEACFUL OUTSIDE OF US ALL HAVING THE FLU...LOL . WE HAVE REALLY BEEN ENJOYING OUR KIDS AND EACH OTHERS COMPANY ITS BEEN NICE....I JUST PRAY THAT IT CONTINUES TO GO WELL BUT I DO KNOW THERE WILL BE TEMPTATIONS AND TRIGGERS SOON THAT WILL COME UP FOR SHAWN THAT HE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH BUT I KNOW GOD HAS HIS HAND ON SHAWN.....THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR WONDERFUL PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS IT IS TRULY APPRECIATED !!! I CANT EXPLAIN HOW GOOD IT FELT FOR ME TO LOG ON AFTER NOT BEING ON THE SITE IN A WHILE AND SEEING ALL OF THE OTHER PRAYERS AND RESPONSES POSTED.....THANKS !!! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU--KE

PRAISE GOD !!!!! SHAWN WAS BAPTIZED SUNDAY THE 16TH WHICH IS YET ANOTHER STEPPING STONE IN THIS JOURNEY THAT HE IS ON....WE BOTH HAVE CONTINUED TO READ & STUDY THE BIBLE. GOD HAS CONTINUED TO BLESS US DAILY SUPPLYING OUR NEEDS ETC SHAWN HAS BEEN GRADUALLY CHANGING, HE HAS BEEN TRYING MORE THAN HE EVER HAS IN THE LAST 14 YEARS WE'VE BEEN TOGEHTER AND I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT....TODAY (3-17-08) HE TOOK OFF WORK AND SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY WITH THE KIDS ( THEY ARE ON SPRING BREAK) !!! I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR GOD'S GUIDANCE AND DIRECTION...THANK ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL PRAYER WARRIORS FOR CONTINUING TO LIFT UP BOTH SHAWN AND ME IN PRAYER. MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL, LOVE KE

WELL PRAYER WARRIORS......I KNEW THIS WOULD COME DESPITE OUR MANY PRAYERS.....THE DEVIL STAYS BUSY AND IT SEEMS SHAWN IS STILL WEAK BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT HE HAS TAKEN THE BAIT UNFORTUNATELY !!!!! IM PRETTY SURE THAT HE HAS RELAPSED THIS MORNING......I WOKE UP AND HE WAS GONE WHICH IS PRETTY NORMAL IN THE EARLY MORNING BECAUSE HE GOES TO HIS TREATMENT CENTER AND GROUP SESSIONS....WELL THE TIME KEPT TICKING SO I CALLED HIM SEVERAL TIMES ON HIS CELL AND HE ISNT ANSWERING WHICH IS UNLIKE HIM, UNLESS HE IS OUT MESSIN UP !!!! SO I VE BEEN GOIN THROUGH THIS LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW WHATS GOIN ON.....I WONT LIE TO YA IM PISSED......BUT MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN ANYTHING SHAWN KNOWS THAT WHEN YOU ACTIVELY SEEK THE LORD ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!! I NEED TO PUT MY FAITH IN THE LORD ....ABOVE EVRYONE ELSE....ESPECIALLY WITH HIM JUST BEING BAPTIZED HE KNOWS THE DEVIL IS GUNNING FOR HIM.
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WHILE TYPING THIS I LITERALLY JUST RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM SHAWN HE IS AT THE TREATMENT CENTER AND THEY ARE RUNNING LATE/BEHIND UP THERE AND HE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT HIS PHONE IN THE CAR....SO PRAISE GOD !!! I WILL JUST CONTINUE TO PRAY THIS MORNING THAT SHAWN MAKE IT BACK HOME TO ME....AND SHAKE THE DEVIL OFF HIS TAIL AS HE TRAVELS .....WE SHALL SEE PLEASE KEEP LIFTING US BOTH UP IN PRAYER PLEASE & THANK YOU ????? MAY GOD BLESS YOU GUYS-LUV KE

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3-27-2008
Ok well I knew that this day would come.....it is OFFICIAL--- no mix ups or mistakes...SHAWN HAS RELAPSED. I knew that he was going to mess up tonight I even called him on it but he kept denying it but like I said before I have been with him for almost 14 years and Ive seen him act this way a million times!!! I will admit that I knew he was heading for disaster tonight but I DID NOTHING TO STOP HIM...IT REALLY WOULDNT HAVE BEEN MUCH I COULD HAVE DONE ANYWAY, I COULDVE MADE A BIGGER FUSS ABOUT HIM GOING OUT DRIVING BY HIMSELF.... I COULDVE PROTESTED BUT HE REALLY HAS TO START BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS/SINS ESPECIALLY NOW THAT HE HAS BEEN BAPTIZED !!! JUST PRAY THAT GOD STILL REMAIN MERCIFUL AND KEEP HIS HAND ON SHAWN WHILE HE IS OUT THERE TONIGHT MAKING THIS TERRIBLE MISTAKE...EVEN THE KIDS WERE CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY ASKED HIM WHY WAS HE LEAVING OUT AGAIN AFTER MOM HAD JUST PICKED HIM UP FROM WORK...THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHERE WAS HE GOING & WHY??? HE LOOKED SO STUPID / FOOLISH...THEN CAME UP WITH A LIE ABOUT NEEDING TO PICK UP SOMETHING OR MEET SOMEONE...SOME LIE THAT MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL !! ANYWAYZ JUST PLEASE KEEP ALL OF US IN YOUR PRAYERS MY FELLOW PRAYER WARRIORS??? TTHE DEVIL HAS BEEN BUSY WITH ME ALL DAY LONG BUT IM GOIN TO LOG OFF AND DROWN MYSELF IN HIS WORD BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THINGS COMING AT ME LEFT AND RIGHT TODAY...LOL..BUT I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO THE ENEMY, AMEN !!! GOD BLESS YOU GUYS!!--KE

The enemy is very busy with Shawn right now and unfortunately Shawn is entertaining him !!!! He is giving the enemy a place in his life because he hasnt "completely" given his life to GOD the way he should...you have to give all areas of your life to the LORD not just he areas that you choose, you cant go to church on Sunday and bible study on Friday but then the rest of the week entertain the enemy and befriend the world and its evil ways !!!! You cant leave any area of your life unguarded or unprotected by CHRISTand unfortunately even with us being BLESSED with extra income right now Shawn is ruining our BLESSING by taking money off the top and getting into trouble with it....I can pray for him all day and night and it may NOT make a bit of difference, because I feel like Shawn has to want this ...he has got to resist the Devil, he has got to WANT TO CHANGE, he has to fight, I can only do so much. I just pray that the LORD get a hold of him and touch his heart and mind and bring about a real change in him before it is too late....

4-24-08
Im not so sure what I feel anymore...this last week has been very stressful because Ive had 50 million things goin on but maybe Im not praying the right way or maybe my heart isnt really sincere...I dont know....its like I pray over Shawn and his addiction but here lately it seems at least once a week he is relapsing...and there is no other way to describe the way I feel except that IM TIRED & DISAPPOINTED...TIRED OF THE UPS & DOWNS, THE ROLLER COASTER OF HIS RELAPSES. I do love Shawn, but I DONT feel the way I used to about him, he has chipped at me so badly over these last 14 years, I feel like Ive wasted 14 years of my life with him, Ive had alot of heartache and I know I shouldve been gone a long time ago, honestly. At times I feel like the only good that came out of this 14 year DISASTER...WAS OUR 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN...AND THATS IT !!!!!! I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN RAISING A 4TH CHILD....JUST BECAUSE HE DOESNT MAKE GROWN UP CHOICES / DECISIONS, HE MAKES SELFISH ONES, THERE ARE TOO MNAY TIMES THAT I FEEL LIKE IM BY MYSELF EVEN THOUGH HE IS "PHYSICALLY" RIGHT THERE WITH ME BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY THERE WITH ME AND WE ARE FOREVER TALKING ABOUT THE SAME ISSUES AND HE COMES WITH THE SAME SONG AND DANCE & EXCUSES ABOUT BEING SORRY AND THAT HE IS GOING TO CHANGE AND HE DOES FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS EVEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND THEN WE ARE BACK TO THE SAME OLD STUFF !!!! RECENTLY HE HAS RELAPSED AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE LAST 3-4 WEEKS AND IM TIRED...IVE GOT TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE !!!! MAYBE MY PRAYERS ARENT BEING ANSWERED BECAUSE MY HEART ISNT IN THE RIGHT PLACE MAYBE IVE SUBCONSCIOUSLY GIVEN UP ON HIM...CUZ ITS OBVIOUS IN HIS ACTIONS THAT HE HAS GIVEN UP ON HIMSELF....I DONT KNOW I JUST NEED MY HEAD TO CLEAR SO THAT I CAN THINK MORE CLEARLY SO THAT I CAN MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR SHAWN BUT ALSO FOR MYSELF BECAUSE IM TIRED, DISAPPOINTED, ANGRY AND CONFUSED AND ONLY MY HEAVENLY FATHER CAN REMEDY ALL OF THAT..LOL !!! ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS THEY ARE APPRECIATED !!!LUV KE

Well Prayer Warriors...it has been non-stop...relapse after relapse...he has relapsed more these last 2 months than he has all year (in the program) !!!!!! I went out of town to Omaha this past weekend, took the kids to the zoo, Shawn was here home alone and we were LITERALLY gone maybe 30 hours and when I returned ALL HELL HAD BROKE LOOSE !!!! I knew he was going to relapse but my mother really wanted to take the kids to the zoo and spend some time with us so I was sort of torn between the two because as most of you know Shawn really needs supervision majority of the time due to his addiction. I was very uncomfortable about leaving my home but I did for the kids & my mother's sake !!! Im tired of ADULT-SITTING SHAWN....and I thought maybe he would prove me WRONG JUST THIS ONCE !!!! But NO, thats too much like right...I COME HOME AND HE HAS SOLD HIS $250 TOOL BOX, ALL OF HIS TOOLS AND ALL OF HIS SAWS ETC ETC...THEN TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY...HE DOESNT EVEN TAKE THIS STUFF TO A PAWN SHOP WHERE HE CAN GET IT BACK...HE SELLS IT TO SOMEONE, IM GUESSING SOME AVERAGE JOE OFF OF THE STREET !!!! OOOHHHHH IT GETS BETTER...MORE SALT IN THE WOUND...WE JUST INVESTED IN SHAWN'S MOBILE MECHANIC BUSINESS (AGAIN) WE JUST PAID FOR FLYERS AND BUSINESS CARDS AND AN ELECTRONIC / INTERNET AD FOR HIS BUSINESS...CLASSIC....SO LETS JUST SAY HYPOTHETICALLY...THAT SOMEONE CALLS HIM FOR SERVICE THEN WHAT ???? ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT HE HAS RELAPSED TWO MORE TIMES SINCE SATURDAY AND ITS ONLY WEDNESDAY !!! I AM SO READY TO WALK AWAY FORM THIS HEARTACHE AND MADNESS...I HAVE PRAYED BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO BE WORKING....HE HAS GOT TO WANT TO CHANGE AND THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN DEALING WITH FOR 14 YEARS.....I CAN WANT THIS ALL DAY LONG BUT IF HE INSISTS ON GIVING THE ENEMY A PLACE TO DWELL THIS IS WHAT HE WILL BE UNTIL HE GETS TIRED AND WANTS TO CHANGE HIS LIFE !!!! I HAVE MY DAYS JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE AND I GET DISCOURAGED BUT USUALLY AFTER VENTING AND RANTING ...LOL...IM GOOD AND READY TO START FIGHTING AND PRAYING FOR US ONCE AGAIN. WISH I COULD SAY ITS LIKE THAT THIS TIME...BUT SOME HOW I DONT THINK SO, I DONT KNOW IF ITS JUST THE ANGER TALKING OR WHAT, BUT IM TIRED AND IM READY TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS...I HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO DEAL WITH...AND I FEEL REALLY ALONE LIKE IM DOING IT ALL BY MYSELF , EMOTIONALLY AT LEAST. YEA HE WILL FINANCIALLY MAKE SURE THINGS ARE TAKEN CARE OF FOR THE MOST PART...BUT ALL OF THE OTHER THINGS THAT GO ALONG WITH A RELATIONSHIP ARE LACKING. I DONT TRUST HIM NEVER REALLY HAVE AND ITS HARD TO STAY WITH SOMEONE FOR SO LONG AND NOT TRUST THEM, DONT GET ME WRONG I TRY TO TRUST HIM BUT BECAUSE OF HIS ADDICTION, HE LIES SO MUCH, AND I CANT STSAND THAT !!! I GIVE HIM SO MANY CHANCES AND OPPORTUNITIES TO DO RIGHT AND MAKE BETTER DECISIONS BUT MAJORITY OF THE TIME HE DOESNT !!!!! HONESTLY SHAWN SHOULDVE BEEN LEFT YEARS AGO BUT I KEPT HOPING, PRAYING, AND TRYING. IVE GOT SO MUCH ON MY PLATE RIGHT NOW I AM JUST LIVID THAT HE CHOOSES THE MOST INOPPORTUNE TIMES TO MESS UP !!!! I AM LOOKING FOR A HOME WHICH HAS BEEN SORT OF STRESSFUL AND THEN THIS LAST WEEKEND (APRIL 19TH ) I GRADUATED ( I HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL SINCE DEC 2007) MY YOUNGEST SON DAKOTA WAS HOSPITALIZED THE DAY BEFORE SO HE AND SHAWN WERE UNABLE TO COME TO THE CEREMONY...WELL ANYWAY IM IN THE PROCESS OF JOB HUNTING/INTERVIEWING, PLUS HOUSE HUNTING AND DEALING WITH MY BOYS AND THEIR ASTHMA ISSUES AND HOSPITALIZATIONS, AND WITH SHAWN AND HIS MESS UPS ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, IT IS JUST ALOT !!! I KNOW THAT THE LORD WONT PUT MORE ON ME THAN I CAN HANDLE BUT IM JUST FEELING A LIL WINDED AND NEEDING TO CATCH MY BREATHE....AND I JUST WISH THAT I HAD A PERSON ON MY TEAM BESIDES MY HEAVENLY FATHER !!! WITH SHAWN I FEEL ALONE, EVEN WHEN HE IS RIGHT HERE. I DONT FEEL LIKE WE ARE A TEAM...I FEEL LIKE IM ALWAYS REASSURING HIM AND LIFTING HIM UP I JUST WISH I HAD THE SAME COMING FROM HIM. OH WELL ANYWAYZ ENOUGH OF THE PITY-PARTY...LOL..THE POINT IS IM STILL WAITING ON A WORD OR A SIGN FROM THE LORD...IVE BEEN PRAYING FOR GUIDANCE ...I WANT TO UP AND GO BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE GOD WANTS ME...IM PRAYING AND ITS BEEN ONE OBSTACLE AFTER ANOTHER THE ENEMY IS BUSY !!! IM PRAYING BUT ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE....PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS, PLEASE? THANK YOU ALL.