On Janurary 15, 2004 I went on a date with a man I knew was the one. We rushed our relationship. He moved in with me and my 3 year old daughter about the first or second month of dating. Then he turned to drugs. I didn't really know thats was what it was at first. He started not coming home and lying alot. I acted like nothing was wrong. I soon found out I was pregnant. I continued supporting us, waitressing. It was hard. I had our son Feburary 14, 2005. We fought all the time about money, drugs, and other girls. Well I soon became pregnant again. I was 4 1/2 to 5 months along and miscarried. He was born and died October 14 2005. It was a boy and we named him Luke. He was so beautiful. I hav to say that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But God was with me. I prayed all of the time, for T.J. to get off drugs so he could be healthy and to see what a wonderful family he had and I also wanted to get married. Well once again I found out I was pregnant. This time I was scared and unsure. T.J. was there for me as much as he could be. The drugs always seem to come first. I continued to pray all the time. Our son was born October 20, 2006. He was beautiful. Thanksgiving came around and I finally told him he needed to go to rehab. He had tried to get off the drugs by himself but couldn't. We continued to fight and I was tired of it all. He said he would go to rehab on his own time. January 15, 2007 was three years for us and for the most part was not happy. I went to an attorney to make him move out and draw up custody papers.Wenesday, Feburary 14, 2007 my sons 2nd birthday, T.J. came home and said he was ready to go to rehab. At the time he was very sick with the flu. His Mom and sister got on the internet and the phone trying to locate a rehab center that would take his insurance. Feburary 17, 2007 he went to Florida to rehab. Praise God!!! He does answer prayers. Now I am a stay at home Mom and loving it. But there is more. While he was in rehab a girl called me and said she was pregnant with his child. My heart jumped out of my chest. I didn't tell him about the phone call until about a month after he came home. He said it wasn't his baby. I believed him but always had a funny feeling about it. Time went on and we got engaged. I only heard from her once after that. She wanted me to tell T.J. that he was having a girl, which broke my heart because I wanted to give him a little girl. T.J. still denied the situation. I loved him so I believed him atleast on the outside. On the inside I was upset. T.J. and I got married September 29, 2007. We our finally a binding family in Gods eyes. Well the girl had the baby and hasn't once called until now. T.J. now says he isn't 100% sure about the baby. I think the baby is his and it makes me very sad. I feel like I have already been through so much. Everything I told you above isn't everything. If you were ever with anyone who did drugs you know what I am talking about. T.J. needs to step up and do the right thing for the baby. It is not her fault. I have so many feelings going every which way. I am jealous, scared, sad, angry, hurt, all of that and more. I will not divorce my husband over this, we have already been through to much to get where we are. I just need more strength. I have prayed that this baby is not T.J.'s but what has happened has happened. Please help me accept what has happened and forgive T.J.