May 12,2008

More movement from God..just talked to Tony. Last night God told me he would be back..and after He said that..it occured to me he was probably on some serious job, which he was. He told me Happy Belated Mother's day and he seemed relieved that I was not ripping his head off for being gone all this time with no word.sometimes it's like that..comes with the territory. The counselor in training program at the Y is not taking anymore applications so that leaves me with no where to send my daughter. Her dad said she can't go to work with him..so looks like she will be home alone all summer. I pray that God protects her and my house and her dad's house.
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May 12
This afternoon I had to take Chloe to counseling for the first time since all this happened. I talked to her counselor first..alone and showed her the papers I found. I told her that I understand that Chloe is lonely cause there are no kids in our subdivision her age to hang out with..so after school she has nothing. Her Big Sister from the program dissappeared too. I had to talk to the counselor at the Big SIster program about that cause I know Chloe probably felt her Big sister dumped her. THe counselor said she feared something was wrong with the lady since she had not been able to reach her for a whole month. Anyway I have been having peace about all of this since I posted this prayer. Peace about Chloe and Tony. I know God is working on this and has heard and answered our prayers with a Big Yes and I know I dont have to see it to believe it. I mentioned to her counselor that CHloe asked to go to a peer counseling group..where she can talk with other teens that have problems..without the parents hanging around so her counselor was happy about and gave me the name of an outpatient program which is right down the street from my house. I thought Chloe would be angry that I talked to her counselor about her and she saw I had her papers. But to my surprise she was not angry. She came out of the office happy and smiling. I asked her if her counselor told her about the outpatient therapy and she said yes and that she wanted to go..I was like wow..I gave God the glory for that. now all I have to do is get past my insurance company..and since God's hand is in this..I am not expecting any problems. I am just happy that she agreed to ddo it. Talking to other kids her age with a therapist there will really help her. I told Chloe I really love her no matter what crazy stuff she does..but that all I want to do is protect her and I want her to have fun and be a 13-14 year old..her birthday is next month. I just want her to have some friends..have some fun and joy in her life..fill it with good things..safe things and healthy things..not satan's things that seek to destroy her. I have been going to her and giving her hugs all afternoon and everytime I do she just laughs and smiles..she needs some baby time right now..lol..so I am feeling good about this..It's a huge start and I know it's God's will for her to be healthy and feel good about her self. I have not heard one peep from Tony.. I don't know if he is sick..out of the country..mad or just dumped me..who knows. My heart does not hurt at all..I have peace and I am not anxious about it. I know God has told me enough times how it's going to be with me and him..and I know God has said that Tony is not listening and not ready to listen and has to be worked on..so hey..I know God is working on him and if he doesn't want to do God's will for us..then God will bless me with a guy who will. Meantime I have stuff to get myself ready. Have to take care of me too, stop neglecting myself and get myself focused back on working for God. I am tired of satan's spiritual warfare against me taking my eyes off the prize of God. Just wanted to share that news..Your prayers have helped so much. Chloe also asked me to make an appointment to see our youth minister at church. So now that she is off to a promising start..I can focus on my son too. I think once he gets enrolled in baseball..he will have something to run off his energy and think about instead of fighting with his sister. Plus he gets to have a lot of daddy time with the baseball team thing. I think things are starting to turn around for me..Financially..still seeking God out for what to do about that.. and I still have to get healing and get rid of these huge tennis ball size fibroid tumors I have..Everyone thinks I am a overdue pregnant lady..those things are a thorn in my side..and they hurt..please pray for me on that. Please also pray that the Christian high school CHloe was accepted at will bless her with financial aid and that she is accepted into the training program at our local Y to work with little kids in summer camp. That would be full time, 5 days a week and that would be wonderful..she would not be home alone all summer and be someplace safe. Thank you and God bless you for praying for us!
Karla
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I spoke to Chloe last night about some of this stuff. She admitted her room was a true pig stye and that she has no excuse for it. The notebooks of stuff she wrote was all fantasty stuff and she said her therapist told her it's okay to write down anything long as you don't actually act on it. I said the problem is that it's obvious that you really want to act on it . It's normal to have feelings and desires but a young girl talking to much older guys is not normal and not legal. I said that that is perversion, especially on the guy's part. I also told her that it bothers me that this stuff in on her mind so much cause she writes about it so much. She swore all those notebooks were "old", lying about it. I told her she was not being honest because the pages had dates on them..dates from April and May of this year. She is so quick to deny what she is doing, even when caught. I told her that I felt dissappointed and let down..that I thought she was doing better and I felt like she has fooled me. She insisted she is doing better, that she was just writing down her thoughts and not planning on acting on them. She told me she would never do that stuff in real life but I told her I don't believe her. Especially about the dieting, because she has already made several comments about being too fat and working out to lose weight. She then told me she can do what she wants with her body..I said you cannot starve yourself in my house and that since she is going to deny what I have seen written in her own handwriting..that we cannot have an honest conversation about this and that on monday when she goes to her therapist.then we can talk with her about all of this. She was getting angry and I did not want to get into a fight so I just dropped the conversation. I don't want to give the impression that she is promiscuous and having sex because she is not. She has no chance to do things like that. I know it's normal to want to and I don't brand her as sinful for that. But a 13 year old does not need to be doing that or making plans to do it and it is not love and not the key to happiness and I see she really thinks it is. Her self esteem is really poor and she admits that but she doesn't know why. She is so vunerable to being used and abused by guys. I pray that God makes a way for her to have some Christian friends to socialize with so she has something else to fill her mind up and she can have fun and enjoy life and not seek out sinful things to do.
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