my grandpa died april 3rd and not even 15 hrs later my brother died..well under all that stress i have been swearing tons and smoking alot of cigerettes and because of the smoking now i have an extremely sore throat(strep throat) i know i should not be swearing as it is a sin against god but i do it without even realizing im doing it i get so angry so fast and just blow up i say hateful things i dont like what i have become lately i used to be a nice and happy person now im depressed all the time and mean and hateful my family keeps telling me go get antidepressants and i cant do that due to the panic and anxiety attacks i get deadly ill from strep throat so im just praying its some kind of flu or something rather then strep throat as i cant get to the dr i feel so scared and alone my family dont understand how i feel heck i dont even understand how i feel half the time i have so many emotions running at once i just feel lost and i know i need to give god all my trust and faith but when u feel like this its hard i dont have anyone to talk to or anything i feel like a caged dog it just sucks so i guess what im asking for is for some prayer support that god will take all these mean and hateful words and thoughts from me and that he will help me to not swear and be so angry all the time and also that this isnt strep throat last time i got strep i ended up in the hospital i was hallucinating and my throat swelled so much it almost closed if i get strep throat and these panic attacks stop me from going to the dr im afraid something bad will happen so please just pray for me i feel like im in a living hell and i seriously cant handle it any more i cry and yell and am jus horrible its driving me nuts