its me again and i know i keep asking for your prayers but i dont know what else to do god is all i have and i am getting towards the end of my rope
no family except a sister who has her own life and Another family, i have no one, i wish i could at least talk to my mother but she only wanted to be around me when i gave her money, and pretty much let me know she thinks i am a bad person and i have never did a thing to her or caused her grif only helped and supported ever since i was a kid trying to win her approval, my dad Never wanted me period, so i have no family and after losing everything (business etc) i have discovered i have no friends either i have begged and begged everyone to talk to me really cried out for help, and no one listened, after i lost everything my boyfried/best friend asked me to move in, i was so happy i thought wow he is realy there for me, but only after a few months he stopped coming home, lying and when he promises to come back and tal to me rarely to never shows up
i guess he was only there for stuff too, i am in trouble with my business that closed legal trouble BIG legal troble i trusted people i shouldnt have and i did things i shouldnt have but it was all with good intension and i always helped people ALWAYS .... now no one will help me, i finally got a decent job that is gonig well and i can stay here and pay rent so that is good but im so lonely, and i just need a hug and to tell someone i am really scared, i am so scared to go to jail, and i am so scared of being alone, i hate coming home and being alone everyday, i have tried everything, i wish i even just had a family i spent last easter at a hotel so i wouldnt feel so alone, i tried calling everyone, i got no invites and everyone has thier own family so that leaves no room for me, i was hoping to have brunch with other people who were alone on the holiday, but i looking in the dining area and they were all families i would have been the only single table plus it was almost over so i watched them for a minute and went back to my room, my boyfriend says its not what i think he is going through a hard time right now etc, but i know he must be living somewhere else, he was my best friend and promised that he would be there no matter what, i never had anyone else, but i alway skept hope since i was a kid, now i am starting to realize i was a fool, i must really be unloveable, if i have nothing i have no one, and i may have never known unconditional love and may never will
so i really and honestly think i was born unloveable.
i really admit i have been thinking about ending it all i know reincarnation most likely does not exist, but if it did i could start over get a family that wants me just me for no reason
i bet my whole life would have been different is someone had just cared just a bit, when i was a kid unlike most people i didnt look forward to 18 or 21 i looked forward to 32 and i never knew why i thought maybe it would be sometthing great you know
but now i think its when i should end it, i am useless to everyone now, and so this gives me a year and a 1/2 to try to straighten myself out, if i go to jail im done, i have never been convicted of a crime before but this is big (fraud) and although i wasnt the main person i dont know whats going to happen to me BUT if i go to jail i will have no one to communicate with and when i get out i will have no where to go and not sure if i would be hired back, so i dont know if i can survive it, knowing that i would be useless and unloved in this world forever, i know this would be a sin against god and i pray he would forgive me but i am in so much pain and losing more of myself everyday i cant stop crying im in trouble mentally, serious trouble and dont know what to do
so overall i beg of you to pray for me that god will guide me
and send me someone to talk to me and hug me
and Please Pray i dont go to Jail PLEASE
i just want to get my life together and not be alone i never minded working hard i just want to have someone who cares about me and if thats my boyfriend i pray he comes back home
and or my sister begings to love me and include me in her life.
or i am welcomes into another family so that i dont have to spend alonther holiday alone. PLEASE please pray for me if you can, i beg of you, i need all the help i can get i realy am trying to save my life, and i dont know what else to do.
please please please pray for me ok, if you can if not i understand.
may god bless you.