May 19th. A little explaination for my post. A little over two weeks ago my uncle died and we had previously lost (over ten years) two of his sons and his father in law (all had been cremated and were at my aunt's house). I made the arrangements and we buried all four on the same day about two weeks ago. My ex-wife (??? final in July what status does that leave me in?) in the family did not want her there and I was forced to be the peacemaker. As she is bi-polar she had no idea of how much the family did not want to see her. I saw her confused about how to act and what to do or say. I walked over and hugged her and thanked her for coming to let everyone know what I expected from them. She was not invited to the wake at my aunts house. After she seemed to spend more time sleeping and having "migraines". The whole experience was miserable and painful for me. At the same time, I saw her again for what she really is, someone who doesnt like themselves because of their lack of control and needs affirmation from others to feel good about herself. I also saw our sinfulness over the years and felt regret and pity for her. The lord softened my heart to her; but I don't know where that will leed. I believe in free will, so I prayed that her eyes would be open and she would have understanding. I also decided not to date for a long time (although the woman I met is very smart and nice and attractive). My daughters sort of supported me on the choice to stop dating. I guess maybe I was afraid the relationship would go farther then I was ready for, and I think she knew it - she has exceptional skills at reading people. I know that I can divorce her and be free to remarry, and I know that if she ever remarries I cannot take her back and she will forever be in adultery. I have chosen to just focus on me and let the Lord show her what he will and in the end, as for all of us, her choice to repent is only in her hands. Please pray for her. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ.

Dear Lord please help me to forgive her for giving him my personal correspondence to her and for her lies and cruelty. Please help me to see her as you see us, please comfort me and help me to see a better tommorrow. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ.