Dear out door lady. you can do it, I am praying for you, I lost my 3 year old grand son and it drew me closer to God, he is the only one we can really rely on, Pray this pray, Jesus, I need you in my life please take control of my life and take away all burdens, Jesus cleanse me of all my sins and restore the true joy in my life, say this whenever you feel tempted, it worked for me. please try it, Jesus loves you, I love you in christ

Choose God-which is to choose God. God made you wonderfully beautiful with a purpose here on earth and you can still do that no matter how long it has been that you havent been living for the Lord. You have to go back to the place in your heart where you last felt God's presence in you life and go from there. God never walks away from us it is usually us that walk away. But God is always full of love and forgiveness and will be overjoyed of your return to Him. He is right there now with you and can help you thru all trials and tribulations you come across. Sin is sin and your sin is no bigger than anyone elses and so just ask for forgiveness from God and whomever else you feel lead to do so and start over fresh from that point on. we (and sometimes satan-but usually us)are the ones who point out our sin to ourselves but dont look back keep looking forward because once you ask for forgiveness God does not see the sin--there may be some complications or things we reap from our sin but God is right there the help bring you thru. Don't give up on yourself because God HAS NOT given up on you at all. sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our own thoughts and actions hinder our walk with God so we have to be mindful and purposeful in our thoughts and actions to do the right thing and not the wrong. for example stop hanging out with those that tempt you to go down the wrong path and find with God's help those people who will help keep you on the right path. One way is to find a church for you ASAP and be consistent in going (no matter how you feel and even if someone at the church makes you upset-the devil really likes using other christians to trip us up--dont let it make you mad but use as a way to grow spirtiually)and being involved with what church is doing from time to time(whatever God lays on your heart what to do). And to stay in God's word.--reading the Bible daily (for however long God wants you to do) really helps me. Also talking to someone you trust like clergy, loved ones, doctor, etc. helps alot. You are not a bad person but like the rest of us you made bad choices and although you (and we) cannot go back in time and redo (wouldn't that be great) what we did-we have to go forward and not make the same mistakes again and make sure we make the rest of the time God chooses to have us here on earth that we make the very best of it--to bless and be blessed--helping someone else is always a way to get your mind off your own troubles. what happened, happened now look forward and "bear much fruit"---you can do it -I KNOW YOU CAN!!! God Bless and you are always in my prayers! I look forward to updates on how God has Blessed you and used you to his Glory and how much peace, love and happiness you feel. remember look toward God not toward your past! Your gonna have a GREAT life with God no matter what comes at ya!!! :O)